bored

Yeah, I want to debate. I want to read WoT. I want to let my mind loose. I need to let it run right now. And I feel tied to little stuff that requires no expansion. I need something of non-importance that excites me and that I need to think about. Or a good book so that I can lose myself in the story.

What has happened....well, I feel a TON better.

Fastenal called and they want me to come in as soon as I get my driving record. Its in the mail so, we'll see when it gets here. I'm still planning on going into some temp agency like places Tuesday.

Class this week went well. It was actually fun, and we enjoyed the class. I have 1,000 pages of reading and one 15 pages paper. I have 12 weeks from yesterday to complete it. . .hahahahahaha, 12 weeks. That's great.

Um, what else. . .nothing much has changed with the Onasch household.

I feel fat.

We are having a afternoon service and chili-meal tomorrow. I love chili with cheese and fritos. mmMMmm.

I was asked to teach Sunday School near the end of this month. Not sure what I'm teaching on yet.

I was also asked if I would be interested in preaching at a church about two hours away. I said sure. So, hopefully I will get an "ok" notice if I get to do that. Hopefully, things will work out for Kaylynn to go with me and she can play special music and I will preach. Of course, her sister will have to come because of the "can't be in the same car by yourself" rule. bleh. But preaching would be good.

My computer started having problems Thursday. I came home and it was off. Apparently someone didn't like how loud it was and turned it off. Well, /shrug, no big deal. Except when I turn it back on it won't register the ethernet card. No matter what I do it doesn't show up. So, now I don't have any internet. So, now I have to carry with me a USB drive because I can't email myself stuff from school to home, etc.

The WoW forums are dying down, and it makes em boring to read and makes me not want to play as much. That's good over all. I don't have too much time to devote to that anyway.....actually, do I have any time?

I'm in the mood to "do something." I feel like I haven't in a while. Some people are like "why do you always need to 'do something?'" /shrug. Idk, but not doing anything gets routine. I'm going to a violin recital tonight. Does that count? I guess I'll find out.

I had to work the football game today. It really isn't much work at all. What it does mean however is that I'm outside instead of inside. I don't get to work on homework. It isn't like I would get a TON done anyway. I have two hours and I spend it blogging/forums/e-mail. Oh well.

I feel like I have energy built up and I just need to let it out. I did play VB this week. Maybe its because I was sick for so many days and then I didn't work out because of it and now I'm just wired.

Alright. I'm outta here in 15 minutes. Then I get to go home and shave, change and come back to here a recital....and I have to wear a suit. /phooey.

The Onasch family left for the weekend except Kaylynn and her sister. So, I will go over tonight after the recital and watch a movie or two. I'm going to be starving. . . . .Maybe I should eat when I go home. Probably.

I really don't like when things don't go according to plan. But that's not being flexible. Maybe I should stop planning so much? sure.

ok, im done.....at least I blogged once this week. Unlike some people I know. *hint hint*

peace

sick as a dog

Yeah, I am sick. It isn't anything serious. I just have a bad cold. Its going around. I walked into the living room last night and found a waste basket devoted to kleenexes. I'm stuffed up, tired, and groggy. I have been so for the past few days and really, it put me in a mood I haven't been in around the Onasch family. The kids thought it was funny. /shrug

Turns out, the boys still think they are going to stand in our wedding. What on Earth gave them that idea, idk. We said they could be in it. But wow, they musta got their mind set. . .too bad for them.

My girl friend is sooo good to me. She is understanding, and kind. She spoils me too. =D She brought me Mac and Cheese and Hot pockets for dinner today.

I'm sitting in the office and all's it would take for me to sleep is to stop fighting it.

I have a module this week. 1,000 pages of reading, and 1 15-25 page paper. That's it. And, because people asked. I have a full 12 weeks before any of it is due. Sounds like a good class. ;)

However, 12 weeks is, the 21st of Dec. Sooo, I better not be waiting till the end to get it done. Actually, once this week is over with I kinda hope to start on one of my other papers. I've got 4 that I'm unsure of. That's too many. And this one might make it 5. /groan.

I just want to sleep now....no desire to play games, or watch movies. I want to be with my girl friend and since she left I just want to sleep. I'll be going to bed as early as possible tonight. I haven't even turned my PC on in two days. o.O

I am doing "ok" in Greek. A- currently. My problem is the quizzes on Mon/Wed. They aren't worth as much as the rest, but they are also timed and really short. I just haven't been doing great on them. Everything else, I'm doing just fine. Thanks be to God.

You know when you get all achy? and you just feel really hot, and everything you do hurts? That's where I am right now. I never thought about it before, but I get really bad colds. Just sneezed 18 times. /sigh. I think I'm gonna get back to my Greek. Ttyl. Hope you guys are all doing well. Call me more often. I'm busy, but even if we only talk for 5-10 min, that would be cool. I'll try to call too. peace.

hello

Well...remember last year? I was new out here. Wasn't sure what I was doing really. Still getting to know my roommates. Going over to Steph's house all the time. Renting lots of movies. Eating out every Sunday. I miss Chinese. I will have to take Kaylynn sometime. People blogged. I started blogging. At this point in last semester I was probably kinda shocked at the blatant disrespect for the Word of God. I was still getting to know my boss and the class routines. I was confident overall. I attended church things. I think I was still incredibly disgusted with the churches/pastors in the area. I wanted to start my own meetings. My hair was still buzzed. I was pleased with the calvinistic view of most people. I didn't realize that my cutomers were also the ones I was enforcing rules on. I worked McD for about 24 hours a week and was literally exhausted. I had more money than I really needed to survive though.

Things change. I have a girl friend now. I plan on getting married next summer, Lord willing. I know a lot more about the Bible issue. I have become used to my classes and profs, my roommates and boss, my job and the campus. I have less money, and don't have a second job yet. I don't know my rent, nor do I have a complete budget.

I do have a lead on a second job. My cousin said the HR person at the bank said they were looking for another part time position. I think I could do it. Wait, of course I could do it. . .whether or not I would like it is different. I've been thinking about work lately.

You have factory work or work kinda like the Custom Shoppe is where I woulda worked by myself all day. 8 hours a day assembling stuff. Physically/materially difficult. Yay. Then you get the bank job. 8 hours a day counting money. Mentally difficult. But surrounded by people. Co-workers and customers. Which is harder? Now, you could get a factory job where you are surrounded by people. . .that could be the worst because people are just plain bleh! (most of the time in those situations.) But in a situation like the bank I'm looking at what? Probably office politics and stupid stipulations for the sake of policy. But I've dealt with that through all of fast food.

I'm happy I only have 1 year left. I'm thankful God brought me back, and I'm grateful that it appears I will finish with an M.A. Yeah, its not a PhD, and when I think about it, my MA is not worth much compared to a M.R. or a Th.M. or a D.Min. But, its more than a BS/BA. And aside from the "churchy" field, an MA counts for something. I think I got discouraged when I realized that in light of other members of my family's advanced degrees, this one isn't worth much at all. But I should really stop comparing myself like that. Besides, if I go to law school that will put me in a different field and completely ahead. . .whoops! I'm making it competitive again. ;)

I want to get married. I suppose that if I were to talk to most adults about it, they would say that waiting another 6 months from when we are planning isn't a big deal. Most might say that waiting an extra year isn't either. And I am pretty sure that when I'm 40, 50, oh 70 years old I'm going to look back and say 6 months wasn't that big a deal. Of course, something huge could happen and it could all be a huge deal, but practically speaking, me thinking about when I look back, I don't think I would say it was. However, right now. . .its huge. The stupid rules are driving me crazy. I miss her. I saw her 2.5 hours ago. You think I'm crazy? Well, I miss her anyway. Its not just the rules of course. I wouldn't have to worry about saying goodnight over the phone. I wouldn't have to leave after the movie. We wouldn't have to meet in the library to work on homework. So, yeah, I don't want to wait any longer than the already planned date.

Greek is getting harder...Like I actually need to work on it instead of just knowing it. So, its getting harder in that I need to study instead of just getting the answers easily. /shrug.

I'm helping Kaylynn with her computer app class. Mostly I just slow her down, and help with some odds and ends, but I learned some kinda neat stuff today.

Which rebel officer told Leia he "feared the worst" when he heard about Alderaan?

i gtg

ok, here's the deal

I didn't get into Covance. Apparently my Cholesterol is too high. And also, something with my liver. /shrug. I didn't get in.

I also have not heard from the Custom Shoppe. Now, tbh, I would rather not work there. But the money is good, and they would work with my hours. If that's what God gave me, I wouldn't complain about it.

My cousin got a job at another bank. Making good money. They start tellers at $9.00 and it would be a job worth putting on my resume, imo. And they are hiring parttime help I guess. So, maybe I can try to get in somewhere. If they work with me a bit, that would be a more enjoyable (than the Custom Shoppe) job, imo.

I talked it over with my GF, and neither of us really want to wait any longer than next June. Next Dec was mentioned but it wasn't entertained very long. Soooo, what does that mean? I'm not sure exactly. I need a job though. That much I know.

Every time I hear about an injury in an organized sport it makes me glad I never played. I heard some kid got his arm broke tonight.

We are having some sorta party at my house tonight. It starts at 7 though and I don't get off work till 10. So....hopefully there is food left over.

The good news is, I don't have to wait till Tuesday to find out if I get in to Covance.

There is a module not next week but the following. I was going to skip it because it isn't needed, but I just got an e-mail that it counts as a normal, NT, or OT elective. Since I need both a normal and an OT elective I will probably take it now. I think its supposed to be an easier course too. But I haven't had this prof before so I hope its not bad. Its 1,000 pages of reading and 1 15-25 page paper. Of course I'm taking it. Most classes are 1000+ and 3-2 papers plus a final. One paper? Are you kidding? Wow! yippe! Yahoo! cool.

So, that's cool. I need to start remembering to bring my phone charger to work, especially on Fridays. I don't feel like working. My brother calls for a bit which is cool. but by then my phone is already getting low.

I am avoiding the weight room this weekend due to the staph signs. But I really need to get back in there on Monday. Soooo, I hope I don't get anything.

I will go app for jobs Tuesday. Where will I go? I do not know. First the bank, then I'll go with the flow. Petty rhymes? I know, I know.

Bah! Since I'm taking the class after this week, I will need two electives next semester. I think that's it though. With Greek of course. And Dispsations which isn't offered till June. But I have some ideas about that. More work for me....lots more work, but it will make my girlfriend happy, so I'm gonna see if I can do it.

My roommate is not moving out. He tends to get excited about ideas and then not do them when he thinks through them. I'm glad hes not moving. I would be super stuck if he did. I mean....me and Jon? Jon's nice and all, but augh. Jon got into a study this semester. He goes for 4 days 4 times. Good money though from what I hear.

Today is Frodo's and Bilbo's Birthday. On that note, I did several Star Wars trivia questions today. So, I'm gonna try to post one with every blog....of course you could cheat and look it up, but let's see if you really know. Question: Who was the captian of the Tantive IV?

Meh, I'm hungry now. The good news is that I don't have to worry about being too fat for covance. yay. Wow, I just got really tired too. Figures. I'm glad there are only two more weeks of this month. I'm tired of it. I really want to move onto Nov. and then Dec. will be right around the corner. Of course, then I will be waiting for June too. . .I am happy to spend as much time right now as I can with Kaylynn, its just that it doesn't normally seem like enough.

I'm out of Peanut Butter. rats.

At this point I'm thinking "I can't believe I still have an hour and a half left here." Its Friday night. No1 wants to be in the gym. The guys who mighta worked out are hesitant due to the sign on the door. There are two girls playing basketball or something in the little gym. And I'm out of food. Well, good food. I got some more crackers left.

My boss tells me that I need to eat some steak, fries, and drink some pop. That was his response to me saying my Cholesterol was high. Tbh, fries sound really really good right now. Maybe tomorrow we can have burgers and fries.

Several new sb_e-mails. Cool.

I miss my girl friend. She's watching a movie with her sister.

I still have to do my greek extra credit. At least I don't have to talk to my profs about missing class.

Going to fold some more of these things. . .I guess. Ok, now going to check on the laundry. Brb.

Now what?!! Under an hour left to go. YAY!!@!!!! There are all sorts of people at my house. The more people get invited the less food will be there for me when I get there. I may have to eat. . .what? I got ramen and Mac and cheese but I have no milk for the mac and cheese.

I need a hair cut. I forgot to ask my mom if she had any tips for cutting my own hair. Oh well. I'm gonna trim the back sometime tomorrow (I hope). Its getting really long though.

Man, I'm sounding kinda selfish. Sorry. . .I'm just really hungry.

I tried to join a forum so I could type up some responses, but noooo, the admin has to approve me and they arent around or something because this is taking forever!

VB was fun yesterday. We only had 5 show up though. So...back to the old drawing board. We only need like 3 more people. But, on the list we have 3-4 that aren't showing up. =/ Gonna have to revise it.

Aw, my gf is sooo sweet. She asked if I wanted pizza tomorrow, so I think we will get pizza instead of normal fast food. She is so amazing. I love her so much. /sigh

Well, 15 minutes and I can go home. I finished everything I needed to get done. So.....good for me.

I figured out that the PTR requires your account to have been active for like 7 weeks before you want to transfer characters. So, anyway, I am able to login. So I did some research and figured out how to transfer my characters and waited 2 days and Voila! I have two 19 gnomes on the PTR. ;) And I can login and play them for free. Amazing. Of course, there aren't any normal people on. The times I play, the twinks are playing in their own BG. So, it doesn't give me any incentive to play, but it was a nice little project to see if I could without paying. I can.

I'm thinking of researching computer stuff again. There is so much. That's the problem. I have so many things that I think "This could be a good hobby." Unforunately, some of them are costly. Some arent, but I rarely concentrate on them enough to learn enough to actually get into it very much. Hackthissite.org was a good one. Maybe I should go back there and mess around.

I'm not very good with programming. And the more I think about it, I don't think I would enjoy a job where I was a programmer. However, maybe the skills, and some basic programming will come in handy sometime. I assume it will, or something from CMU will. . .or otherwise it was just the stepping stone to get here where I could meet my gf.

I would enjoy teaching a logic course I think. I certainly enjoyed the class I took, and for basic logic, I could teach an intro course in some budding schools philosophy department. My uncle talked to me the other day about teaching. Said with a MA, school would love to have me teach. Of course Christian school teachers don't make huge $$$$, but still, the thought had not occured to me in quite some time. I remember before my dad would talk about it, and I thought "He loves teaching....I just don't want to teach." Now it sounds appealing. My uncle thought I would be able to do it if I wanted to. That's probably true. If I put my mind to it and that's where God wanted me, I'm sure I could teach. Of course, I have the subjects and things that I would want to teach. And there are things I couldn't teach, but /shrug. It was a thought I had not considered in some time.

The other thought that sounds more appealing lately is law school. I'm not sure why. It might be because I watched a movie with a lawyer. Or it might be because I think I could do it. Or it might be because I think in the great grand scheme of things, another 2 years in school can't be THAT bad. But it is...really. But anywho. I get to leave in 5 mintues!!

Of course, I was told that there are plenty of jobs down in FL. That is of course in contrast to MI where the economy is poor. We shall see how things go though. MI is of course my first choice. And my GF has been gracious enough to say that it is fine with her as long as I have work. Of course, we (we think) would both like the Washington DC area, but cost of living is waaaaay too high. I doubt I can find a job to support us out there. Maybe once I get my law degree, but not now.

Anyway, food for thought. I typed a lot. Cya all laters. 9:44.

Staph infection on campus. Pants are recommended in the weight room. Wash thoroughly before/after workout. . . . .if I get into Covance I shouldn't have to worry about it. Hopefully it will all be better by time I get back. Not that I'm too worried anyway, but change means more work. And not just more, but more of an uncertain nature.

I'm not opposed to work. Or even lots of work. I'm opposed to work that is inconsistent and irregular. I don't like irregularity. I wouldn't mind coming to work knowing I had a hard 8 hours. But I do mind coming to work thinking I know what the day involves and finding out its a bunch of randomness every other hour. Why am I blogging about this? I don't know.

I am feeling kinda good right now. I'm not sure why. I didn't hear about my job. My roommate just told me he wasn't going to work out with me anymore. He's going to try to get up early and go swimming with his brothers, instead of lift late after work. I don't know if I'm getting into Covance, and I have pretty much no money. I do have a wonderful girl friend though. I had a pretty easy week all around. Got some research done for a paper. Doing ok on my Greek extra credit. I'm trusting God to supply the money I need for different things.

Tomorrow is Greek again. Bleh. I like eating beef. I was craving beef so much last night. If I had been hungry I woulda eaten McDs. But I wasn't hungry, just wanted some beef. So I was able to tide myself over with a piece of pie. I haven't really been hungry at all today. I haven't eaten too much either. I really want to buy some peanuts. I ate some of my roommates' and mmMMmm. Besides, there is 112g of Protien and 32g of fiber in jar. If its cheap enough I can afford it, and eat half a can of peanuts with 1 can of tuna and make that my diet every day. Might need to check sodium/etc. Oh well, peanuts sound really good. And my Peanut Butter is almost out. No surprise since the last couple days I have been eating it by the spoonful.

I miss my gf. She's at home doing homework. I'm at the gym blogging. I should get back to my homework too I suppose.

I got some of this super bland bran cereal. But its kinda nice to have something crunchy to snack on or eat with my tuna. Cheese sounds really good right now too. The thing that will hurt most any diet are the cravings. That's what I read anyway. . .and have learned from experience.

5 pages left of Greek copying. 7 minutes a page gives me about 40 minutes if I try not to be too distracted. That puts it at 8pm. I better get back to it. I'll probably take another break though. Maybe to eat more bran flakes. yum yum.

So, bascially to get in shape for boxing you need to jump rope all the time. All sorts of different ways. I should really do more cardio. That's one thing that is going to be harder since my roommate is abandoning me. oh well.

It is now 8pm. I have 3 pages left. Yes, I only got 2 done. But I spent some time talking and then reading other stuff. Its ok. Really.

VB tonight. I'm kinda excited. Should be fun. My legs are killing me for some reason though. They were from Tuesday. Its going to make tonight interesting. Sitting is fine but when I stand/walk/run "oww." meh. I don't like to lose, so I'll play through it.

You know...the pluses with working in a food place is you get to eat, and generally its cheap. But if you are also, say the VP of some company, you could eat well and it would probably be free as well. Just a thought.

You would think things like that too if you sat in a gym office and ate bran flakes and tuna every hour or so.

alrighty, gtg.....9:45

ok, another day

Well, it is another day. HA!

I got to sleep in today. The first day in a real long time. It felt good. Of course, I didn't get to bed till about 2am due to some Greek stuff. So, a little over 8 hours....not bad.

I was called today from the place, and I have a second interview tomorrow with the 1st shift assembly supervisor. I think at the job fair she said assembly makes $9.00. That would be sweet. I could get my rent paid for the past 4 months, and possibly fix my car. Then, just maybe, I will have some savings......sorry. That was very negative.

God is good. I bought my Hebrew books like the week class started. They just got here yesterday. Last night I got an e-mail from another student who ordered the books and didn't get them yet. He was looking for the books. I e-mailed him and asked for the price I paid. He hesitated earlier today, but then paid me this afternoon. So, thankfully he didn't ask for them sooner b/c I didn't have them. So I got the money back. Praise the Lord!

I hate looking at things like this, but really, only 3 more months. Really, the semester is only started....I know this. But still, 3 more months. Bleh!

I should send an e-mail out about VB Thursday. Brb.

Ok, now that I talked to 3 different people and tried to give some sound advice and actually finally got the e-mail sent....now I'm going to do greek. So, what a lousy blog update this was, eh? oh well. I'll try to blog again....Thursday. I got a quiz tomorrow morning btw. So, pray about that if you don't have anything else on your lists. ;)

alrighty

So, first, thank you to everyone that prayed for the last couple days. We did meet with pastor Saturday morning and it went about as well as I coulda reasonably expected it to go. Late Saturday night we decided we needed to figure out everything that we wanted to discuss Sunday. As we talked about it we realized the response we would get to everything and the big drive that we had previous to talking to pastor wasn't there for me, and she wasn't sure so we decided not to. It made our afternoon easier. We would still appreciate your prayers regarding the whole situation.

I had a job interview today with "The Custom Shoppe." They make expensive custom furniture. I would work Tue/Thur 6-4 or something close to that. The interviewer has to talk to all the supervisors to see where I would best fit and if they have openings. Then I have to have another interview with them, and then they do background checks, drug screening, etc. If all that works, I can be hired. yay!

I find out about Covance a week from tomorrow. I'm praying I get in b/c I need the money, but I'm going to miss Kaylynn. If I don't get in, it will be interesting.

I never realized I was such a worrier and lacked so much trust until this semester. My car needing repairs 2 times and needing to get the bearing fixed might be part of it, but I'm trying hard to leard to trust God completely.

So, I spent the last two hours looking at jobs all over. Hardly anything in MI. So much stuff in FL its hard for me to be precise in my search and I end up with pages and pages of stuff that requires 5+ years experience. oh well. I will need to look more dilligently next summer, but I just wanted an idea of what was out there.

Doh!! Its 8:39 and my battery is dying. Going to have to do something about that. . . .ok, im out. bye.

EDIT: Today Gandalf escaped from Orthanc.

saturday

I debated blogging today, but I got bored and was tired of looking at Greek. I can't really play games here, nor can I take a nap. So I guess I'll blog a bit.

I am trying to be happy. So this will be a happy post. Some of you might find it offensive if I start bragging about my perfect gf, but :P.

Things I am thankful for: Kaylynn, family, friends, a brother, sisters, parents, karate lessons, piano lessons, SWCCG, school, work, car, house, roommates, peanut butter, church, Bible, spankings, tree swing, tree fort, graduating, nerf fights, MTG, NES - etc, barn/silo, trees, woods, neighbors, cousins, uncles, pastor, health, intellect, dogs, cats, hamsters, Grandparents, birthday parties, hot fudge sunday cake, tuna salad, amusement parks, debates, homeschooling, gym class, PACEs, english, math, chocolate milk, pogo stick, grappling hook, pushups, pullups, Christmas, guns, swords, weapons and warriors, star wars, movies, carmel brownies, good advice, texas hold'em, Sierra games, ebay, google, computers, phone, e-mail, chat, wow, MUDs, Turretin, a beautiful gf, close friends, generous people, trust, green grass/trees, water, USA, hymns, preaching, pork, beef, pizza, baptists, reformers, quiz team, new friends, faithful God, blogs, forums, a helpful gf, suits and ties, WoT series, tacos, lake house, table games, computer science, Sunday School, youth group, IQ tests, sherlock holmes, shakespeare, mini-bike, paper route, sleep, dreams, memory, salvation, physics, algebra, volleyball, trips to FL, ocean, common sense, competition, a gf that loves me, verse memorization after breakfast, review of sunday school after Sunday dinner, going through Revelation at dinner, devotions before bed, pullups, pushups, pillow fights, waterbed, correct grammar, poetry, stories, good lit, good profs, rubic's cube, homestarrunner, gifts, blue skies, rain, storms, power outages, people I trust, that MI and WI aren't that far away, 4th of July, waterfights, laughing, my gf's smile, piano, violin, weddings, vacations, thanksgiving, spring break, pool, BK, managing, working out, ADTEO, Calvin and Hobbes, Dilbert, applesauce and chips, sloppy joe, sunglasses, buffet, memorial day, fall festival, candy bags, hay rides, lava man, trampoline, wrestling, dinosaurs, catching the dinosaur, wheelbarrow dart guns, hot cocoa, snow forts, being in love, people who actually care, chess, ping pong, home made bread, heat, biblical promises. . . etc.

Yeah, I'm sure I missed something. Oh well. It was good for me to think up the list anyway. I had been considering a list something like it back last semester I think, but never got to it. Hope your day is going well. Cheer up! =D 5:45

bah

So apparently someone made a comment to my boss about my GF coming down to the office and chatting with me. It isn't like its a closed place or anything or that there arent lots of people in here. There is huge window on the main wall, and ths door stays open. But meh. . .so, she's allowed to visit, just not stay a long time. . . . . . .whatever that means. I am sick of Christian College rules. Seriously.

We needed to run down the road a ways to get my car because I parked at the other end of campus and we were going to take my roommates car. But no, we couldn't do that because we can't be in the same car together. So we had to walk. Walking doesn't bother me, but she was going to be late for work, and we needed to get going. . .and then we have a stupid rule.

And now, she can't come do her homework here, or just chat. I'm sick of this place. She just showed up. She doesn't want to go home. . . .It doesn't make sense either. I can go workout, play ball, run on the treadmill. I just can't sit in the hall with my gf? Apparently not.

This is going too make this whole semester entirely too long. I work every night, and she was planning on coming to visit. Now, she probably won't be playing VB with us either b/c she won't have anywhere to go for that 1-1.5 hrs before we start.

Bleh! That ruined my night. I was all excited because we have VB tonight. I'm hungry now too.

Why did I come to school again? Wasn't it for a wife? Really? I suppose a degree was part of it. But now that I realize the value this degree actually has, it is kinda discouraging.

VB should be fun tonight. We have 6-8 coming. I hope. It isn't a matter of people wanting to, just a matter of them remembering.

I get bonus points if I study Greek 6 hours a week. Now with all the homework I have I thought that would be easy . . . I'm still two hours short. And I need them in tonight. I do have a quiz to study for. but if I start doing next week's homework then I will have less time spent next week. I'll be fine....eventually its going to be harder homework and it will take 6 hours....I hope?

So she brought me some spaghetti, and pudding, and bread, and carrots, and cookies. It was a good dinner. Yes, she is spoiling me....but she's allowed to.

I need $10k. That would make half the worries I have go away. . . . . .well, maybe more than that. The other half is annoying, but they aren't monetary which means I they have other solutions. Most of my problems are monetary, however. Car, ring, wedding, honeymoon, loans, rent, food, books. . . .etc.

After thinking about it....I'm not going to play the lottery. Yes, I know, you are all disappointed, but I figure I just won't do it. Even though, I could win 283 mil by just buying 1 ticket. No, I'm not going to do it.

Sooooooooo, how do I get some money? I put some apps in. Now I wait. . .I wanted to type "I just don't want to worry anymore." but then I thought...I shouldn't be worrying anyway. Yes, I should trust God to provide for my needs. But then I wonder at what point are these things needs? Yes, I want to get her a nice ring, and have a nice wedding. . .but is that a need? Because then I worry. So, is the money for the ring I want a need? I am supposed to wait on God's timing. If I don't get the money, then does that mean we postpone the wedding? I doubt we would do that. If we have no money, we just cut back on what we want.....but it isn't as if we want something extravagant. Just something nice. So....maybe I'm just supposed to go to Covance and maybe that will all work out and then I won't be wondering anymore. right? Sure.

My brother hasn't called me in forever. He said he was going to. . . .

My problem: All his life have I looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never my mind on where I was. Hmm? What I was doing. Hmph.

This is true. I dont ever remember being happy where i was.....i was always waiting to be happy....i hated school but I did it because I needed to prepare. Same with college. Now Grad school. I'm sick of preparing.....I want to live. but in all that time, I never really enjoyed life. =/

I mean I had fun. I did enjoy stuff...but I spent my days daydreaming about the future. I spent college just wanting to be done. The thing is, that I do enjoy life more now. . .but I hate restrictions. When I start enjoying life and then get told "no, there is a rule" I just want to move past the rules. Days off were good not because I could do something, but because I didn't have to do something I didn't want to do.

There were things I enjoyed. SWCCG. I loved spending time with my cousins and brother. I loved the 4th and Christmas. But the more I enjoyed them, the more I disliked everything else. I just wanted to do those things again. Then it was WoW. I enjoyed WoW for a while.

Now I'm in love. Its more than playing cards or video games. I'm tired of looking forward all the time. I love spending time with Kaylynn. We have fun. We enjoy each other's company. I don't feel I need to move on from the moment, until its over, and I think that if we were not "here" it wouldn't have to be over. I feel like I live in "highs" and "lows" and am not steady. I don't remember thinking my parents were like this. It just seemed that they were used to life. . .is that what happens? You just get used to life? I don't want to get used to dealing with all this. I don't want to deal with it. I look at "adults" and I see things I don't want. And I wonder why they would want it, then I think that of course they don't, and I wonder how they can be happy. Then b/c I can't figure that out I assume they aren't. And then I tell myself I don't want to end up like that. Maybe they are happy though?

Some people have jobs they love. They wouldn't be doing anything else. Then there are other people; they can't stand their jobs. Then you hear messages: "If you are doing what you should you will be happy." Well, of course you will be happy. . .but does that mean that you are going to have to take a job you hate? I know lots and lots of people who have had jobs they hated doing. I don't want to dread going to work. It scares me that I'm going to for the rest of my life. I know that's worry too. . . . . . . . .I'm trying, but its hard.

Joseph was in prison. Did he like it, or was he just content? Jesus was scorned and mocked. Did he like it, or was he content? So, apparently you don't have to like it....but if you are content then I would guess you can't "hate" it. right? I really don't know about the evangelists who happen to be uber rich who get up and preach that God won't make you do something you don't want to do. Where in Scripture do you find that?

I'm in Jeremiah and Ezekiel. Jeremiah did not WANT to do what he was told to do. In fact he says this upwards of 8 different times in the book. He had a very hard job and he did not enjoy it.

Now I think to myself: Dave, you decided you weren't going to settle. You knew what you wanted in a wife and you prayed and God gave you the perfect girl. So, just believe that God want you to be happy and cares for you and pray for what you want. Have faith.

So, at what point can I pray that God will give me the job I ask for, and actually believe I'm going to get it? I did, and I got Kaylynn. But what clicked with me this last year is all the people I see settling for a mate, and I realized I didn't have to do that -- that God would provide.

My gf tells me that I'm too depressing sometimes. I felt like Toby Ziegler. = / The thing is, I see that I can be. I am cynical.

Back on topic. For me to come to the same realization about a job would mean I must conclude that the people I have known throughout my life that have had jobs they didn't like, lacked the faith to get the job they really wanted. But from Jeremiah we just concluded that God doesn't always give people what they want.

Are we now talking will/plan? If I hadn't prayed about it as fervently and supposing the plan was different could I have ended up with someone else because I lacked the faith to get the perfect person? Would I still have been happy? As happy?

So, now I'm saying Jeremiah lacked the faith. But he wasn't really even in a similar situation. He was called and said he couldn't, God said he could, and so he did. Then he would complain about it throughout the years.

Btw, if you have answers, call me or e-mail me. Or post snide remarks.

I miss my gf. Maybe she'll call soon.

I'm meeting with a pastor Saturday monring. We are hoping Kaylynn can get out of the house so she can be there too. . .but we aren't sure she'll be able to get out. Then we are planning on talking to her parents Sunday afternoon. Pray for us, please.

I'm pretty much assuming now that I'm supposed to go to Covance. I wasn't sure for a while, but the more I think about it the more I think I'm supposed to go. So, I'm going to try to get a little bit ahead on some stuff so I don't have to worry too much while I'm gone. I'm going to miss 5 days of Greek. Everything else I can pretty much handle without a problem. Pray that I get in please.

gtg, bye. 9:10

/happy sigh

I'm in love.

Holiday schedule at school today. Means classes are only 45 minutes and only 5 mintues between them, and also no chapel. shorter day all-around. Most the offices get to close early as well. But since athletics isn't one of them, my boss asked if I would come in early so they could leave. Sure, why not.....nothing wrong with working 1-10. Oh, and btw, the internet was down till 8:30.

Now, I know what you're thinking. 9 hours dave, and no internet. You are going to go out of your mind realizing that there is probably a big party going on at your house and you are missing it. But no, that's not what happened.

I finished my last class and had lunch with my girl. Then we walked over to the gym and sat and talked for 7.5 hours. Of course, I checked the gym every now and then, and she ran out to get McDs around dinner time. But we mostly talked. Talked about stupid stuff. Talked about important stuff. It was a good day. She got a little (tiny) bit of homework done, and I got nothing accomplished. It was a good day.

Yes, I know. I don't need to be eating McDs.....but mmMmmMm it was good.

Class went ok today. got a 15 on my quiz. Out of 15. So, yay me!

I'm ready to be married. Really I am. Ok, enough on that.

I'm going to try to app for jobs tomorrow. But over all I'm in a good mood. I think I stopped worrying as much. Not sure, b/c sometimes it just makes me feel like I'm not concerned enough. I am concerned....I just am not sure where the line is between being over comfortable and being worried. Ok, I'm out. 9:51