So, here I am

So, I'm out of money. Plain and simple. Gone.

$500 into my car since coming out here. And the guy tells me my rear brakes will cost me another. . .$240+ labor. yay. $300 more bucks . . . my dad says that for every $500 into a car it should last another year. If I can be done after putting this $800 into it for a solid year without much more than normal upkeep I'll be happy.

It always seems like when things seem to be going well spiritually, that things stop going well temporally. I mean, I've been trying harder lately.

I'm often being impressed upon (by my gf) to just stop worrying and trust the Lord. And so I was thinking about that. I didn't really think I was worrying. I was calculating. I can't find any possible ways for the funds to show up. And then it kinda hit me. . .isn't that what it means to trust the Lord? If I can see where the money is going to come from then I don't need to trust really, because I can see it.

Now I'm sitting here with no idea where I'm going to get the money for Christmas presents, a trip home, fixing my car, a wedding, etc. I am still looking for a better job if it should show up and I'm trying to be content with the job I have.

I don't like asking for money. Its hard for me to take other people's money. Why? When you watch old TV shows, the problem is always someone is too proud to take the money. I don't quite see that its pride. . .I mean, maybe it is, and as much as I try not to take it, I also try to be grateful when its given.

Topic change.

"For the brightest students, academics can become a kind of game. For average students, it is very serious business."

I got a newsletter thing from someone recently and the above quote was written.

I understand that the ability I have comes from God. It isn't anything in me that makes it easier for me to do Greek, or type out a paper in a day and a half. But this gift has bred laziness in me. I have taken advantage of it, and thus not put myself fully to my tasks.

I find there is sooo much that needs work in my life. And if I try to work on everything I can feel overwhelmed. At the same time, I don't know how to not work on everything because there is no excuse to say, "I'm not going to work on that sin, and I'll work on this one." But, wow. . .I guess its just another thing that says "You can't do it. Go to God." Because, I can work on one thing at a time. But I just get exhausted.

Topic Change.

I've been looking for a job. I was on the MI state website the other day. I need to take the civil service exam. That is the start I need. Then I can start applying and stuff.

But, Kaylynn hates the cold. It gets into the 40s and she freezes. I don't know how she has survived in WI for the last 20 years. She doesn't like it. I don't particularly like the cold either. I don't like it as warm as she does, but there is a medium between tropical island 83 all the time, and MI/WI freezing winters. Of course, if we lived in MI we could keep the house warm.

Where do I want to live? Well, MI is still my preferred place, if I could find work. And good work. If I could work for the state it would be fine. Good benefits/pay, etc. Of course, whenever something happens to state budgets someone gets cut. Both my uncle and my dad hear about it.

A tropical island would be cool to live on too. But I think my reasons for wanting to live there aren't the best. The warm/nice weather. The ability to say "I lived on a tropical island." My future wife would probably be warm.

Ok, I think I need to take a civil service exam of some kind...but, I really have no clue. There are half a dozen different exams on the MI.gov site and none seem for the IT job I'm looking at. Entrance level of course.

What can I do with my degree, but teach? Right? What does a Bible degree do for me? My computer degree doesn't do much since I don't really like programming.

It isn't likely I can get a good job without having a degree in something, and everything my degrees are in I can't get a good job. I look at some stuff and see, MA, or MB, or PhD. A year ago I was thinking I would get my PhD so I could say I had it. Now I'm thinking I should get something to use it. Bleh! What a waste was CMU! I should have gotten a degree in business.

I sound pretty gloomy. I think my desperateness is good though.

My roommate isn't online so, I can't chat with him like I would normally be doing right now. bleh!

Big pre-school thanksgiving thing in the little gym tonight. Caused us to close the gym, weight room, and aerobics stuff. College students weren't terribly happy, but I liked it. ;)

I'm thirsty.

I need to use my money wisely.

If I want more money I better use my few pounds I have now wisely. Oh great. . .I might have to take down the chairs from the kids thing. . .I caught the dinosaur. Or did I not catch the dinosaur?

I need to get some reading done so I'm gonna log for now. Hope all is well with you. 8:53.