i want to blog -- be warned, this is 6 pages long

I want to blog. Every now and then I have strands of thought worth blogging about, but they don't last long. It isn't as if I have been extra busy. I haven't.

NOTE: Now that I see this is 6 pages long I have notated good places to stop for a break. Aren't I a nice guy? :)

One of my only and most enjoyable activities of late has been working out. Mike was right. He told me once if I really worked out for several months I wouldn't want to stop. I had a hard time accepting that at first since I had worked out on and off for several years, but this past year at the gym really helped. Of course, maybe I also grew up some and realized that anything worth doing takes perseverance and diligence. And then I decided I wanted this, and so I worked towards it....could be.

I really admired the way my sister had been reading through the NT and decided it was foolish of me not to be spending a good amount of time in the Bible. Doesn't matter if I have a PhD, an MA, or a ThM. God doesn't require those things. God does require that we know Him. That we live for Him. I have been trying for 10 chapters a day. Not so grand a goal perhaps, but a good one for me. That is reading the entire Bible twice in a little under a year. I would be very pleased if I kept it up a year. Though reading the Bible through in a year was a good habit I had during my youth group years, it is not one I held onto long after. And I have never held a more advanced schedule. I remember my mom reading throught the Bible twice a year when I was a kid. That, and similar memories are good memories. They speak of Christian character being acted out, and not just preached to us. That is something I greatly appreciate from my memory.

I was thinking the other day, and my parents have always been working to stay in shape as well. Whether it was dumbbells in the corner of the living room, VHS exercise tapes, Tae Bo, or walking, they have always been keeping themselves healthy. A good example for me. It is hard to me to make myself walk. I am honestly trying to find a good time to walk.

It is such a contrast to other people and other families. My parents regularly watching their diets. Exercising. Doing devotions. Working on the house. Family devotions. Things I know that are right and do by habit; I find the reason for doing them in my parents doing them.

I have a dilemma. Based on my weight and how hard I have been working out, I should be consuming around 170-200g or protein a day. That is a lot of protein. I eat two eggs in the morning = 14. 2 cans of tuna throughout the day = 52. 2 scoops of whey = 52. That is only 118. I bought cottage cheese, but I cannot make myself eat it. I really wished I liked it. It looks fine, I just cannot eat it. So, I got the recipe from my mom for the green salad and I'm going to try that. That is 12g before bed. Milk is 8g if I make myself take a glass. I suppose if I add one more scoop of whey that puts me at around 164. Another scoop would put me at 190. Not too shabby if I can get that. However, three scoops of whey a day is more than I currently budgeted. It was hard for me to budget 2 scoops, since last year I was taking 1. The tuna comes out to be about the same price as the whey (per gram of protein), and Milk is really close. Milk is always in the house, and is a necessity. Last year I maybe had a glass a month...maybe. If I took one every day, that would certainly make us run out of milk faster. Of course, there is always actual dinner. That is never a consistent number of grams, but I do get protein through ground beef or chicken, etc. Thus, my dilemma. Yeah, its a big one.

School is starting soon. Monday I have a meeting. Then teacher orientation stuff starts Wednesday. I have grand plans of getting ahead so that I am ultra prepared material-wise and I only have to really worry about the kids. That is the way it should be, but HA! So, I praying towards that end, so that it is not just my foolish hopes, but that I might actually put work towards them.

I currently have four books under my belt. I plan on finishing the 5th tomorrow/Friday.

Warbreaker -- downloaded version. Good book. Thanks to Phil for the recommendation.
The Name of the Wind -- again. Still a great book. No real news on the 2nd. I follow him on FB now though.
Christian Apologetics -- Interesting. Higher thinking than I am used to. Good for me.
Writing with Style -- One of the few books I kept from College that was not Math or computers. Good book, and maybe one of these days I will summarize the chapter on common writing myths that I found interesting.
Portrait of Calvin -- Downloaded this one. More than halfway through. Not a long book, but since Calvin was honestly such a huge influence on life as we know it, I figured I should read something of his life. Already he has proven to be a genius beyond my ability -- about what I expected. I apologize that I do not have the exact link. It was republished from the Desiring God website. I'm sure a search will bring it up.

Not the 5 books I was planning on reading, but still I'm happy with it. I did make it through 250 pages of "Things to Come" by Pentacost. A must read on dispensationalism from what I hear, and the first 3rd proved as much. I started (about 1 chapter) "Christ of the Covenants" (the must read on covenantal theology) but I was quickly dissuaded by the distinctions he started with between covenants and testaments. I had the feeling the beginning was setting up the entire book, and it would have required a lot of extra reading/research in the first chapter for me to be able to disprove his later conclusions. I wasn't feeling up to it.

I read an article by a pastor and seminary president that suggested every pastor should be reading at least one book a week. He implied it was necessary. This of course makes my 5 books in a summer not that great, but I am still happy about it at the moment.

BREAK POINT -- get a drink and stretch

I checked my blog a little back and realized I left some things hanging. I did not buy the protein/creatine I had talked about that was so expensive. After two days and hours of reading I decided against it. Protein being the most important I will continue buying my walmart brand of that. I bought some supposedly pure creatine that lots and lots of people said was good, just nothing added to it. It was about the cheaper than what I get at walmart, so that was cool. I also bought some NO Xplode. That is new to me. I was taking (again) walmart NO, but not noticing what I am noticing now. I also got some glutamine, and dextrose. Those were quite cheap, and since I was ordering figured I would throw them in. I do notice the pump lasting, which is great. I have been upping weight since I've been back. This is my third week. I would expect to up at least three weeks anyway, since I came back guessing weight to use. After two months off, I wasn't going to throw what I had been repping on. I am supersetting a lot right now. I find that I get more or the same amount of total exercises in in less time. I was often pressing over an hour last year. This year an hour is my long day. That is good since my schedule is so tight already.

I will have to mix it up some time. They say I need to confuse my muscles, and that means switching it up. I like what I'm doing now, but I need to make sure I swap things in a month or so. They also say I should cycle Creatine. That I am unsure about but when I run out of everything near the end of Sept I plan on taking Oct off taking anything but protein. Well, that is the plan. We will see what happens.

I worked on Mike's website some more. I would have done more sooner, but I was told I was creating a place holder and someone else would have a more professional one up in two weeks. That would have been almost three weeks ago. So, I went back to work on it and got a system so Mike/Em could login and change the things they wanted changing without having to email me about it. Good for me; better for them. I woulda hated to have to do it, but they were patient and didn't put any pressure on or anything. They are currently at 389 in case you haven't heard. The signatures now are for him to run as Rebuplican. He thinks it will work better this way. From the little I know, this sounds better to me too.

I'm losing weight again, but not enough for me. From everything I know about me and have read about others, it seems that the hardest weight to lose is that around my lower abs...my belly fat. I took "before" measurements, but forgot to weigh myself. Now if I do it, I will definitely be lower as I can see the difference, but I still need to to give myself some kind of idea where I am.

I haven't had the MTG bite me to get me wanting to build any decks. It is harder when I have used them more recently. Maybe in a few months I will go through and take apart a few of my loser decks.

Stopped in my old guild's website because it was bookmarked and I was cleaning my bookmarks out. Not much going on. Almost commented on a thread, but decided against it.

My char is probably still pretty solid. I was mostly purple with a few blues before I left with epic mount....low/no gold though. My friend has about 17k on his account. He is also under level 50. He ran the AH. I don't want to play though....that's good. Let's hope it stays that way.

I need to have a desire to read. That is hard. If I have a reason, then that is easy. I was working on the website and that was something that needed to be done and I spent a few days reading, watching tutorials, etc. I wanted to learn about Calvin and so I started reading this biography. But when I don't have that desire, then I look for stupid stuff to occupy me. I almost bought Kingdom hearts 2. If I had a PS2 memory card I may have....don't know where I lost mine, but it saved me $20. Instead, I played Jardinains on easy (because I forgot to change the setting and didnt remember till I was in the 30s) and it was soooo slow. On lvl 51 with 15 lives and I left it paused. I will go back sometime in another year or so and keep going.....maybe.

We went out for Matt's b-day last week. Kobe steakhouse. While others fell prey to the yummy-yummy sauce, I escaped unscathed. It was good though. I always hesitate to get shrimp because I am sure I will not like it. I tried it and it was ok, but I will go with steak next time. It was good steak. I am not a steak eater...and it was good.

I read that pasta fell into the good carb category and thus, I have been eating my tuna in pasta rather than white bread which fell into the worst carb category. However, tuna salad gets dry rather easily. In order to keep it a delicacy instead of a dry meal, you need to ensure plenty of mayo. That of course is on the list of bad food. Lately the salad has been too dry, but its better for me that way, and the bread was never that good anyway. The other problem is the proper amount of noodle to tuna ratio. Mom always made the salad with about 1 can tuna / 2 cups noodles (I think). I made mine with 1:1. But looking at the cost and the carb/calorie/protein ratio, I need 4 can:1 cup. That is an off ratio and makes for mostly forks full of tuna with a few noodles every now and then. But I'm losing weight....life is full of sacrifices. heh.

I have budgeted to pay off all my debt and finish my classes this year. Lord permitting we should be able to do that. Of course it leaves us in about the same place as we were last year living wise. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't relaxed either. We were content and so will continue to pray for contentment. It is wonderful.

Then next year we have to wonder what we are doing. Do we look for a house? Well, we aren't putting any money away for a down payment this year, so we probably can't. What if we didn't pay off the debt, put all the money away and then bought a house next year? The lower monthly payment for living would mean we could easily pay off the debt next year. maybe. Lots of variables and things to consider.

LAST BREAK -- you can do it, go go go!

I try to pray for all of you. I know I don't call or write as often as I can, but everyone I can imagine reading this I try to keep in my prayers.

One thing that has been on my mind recently, and then even more so as I read this biography on Calvin is that I am a very blunt person. I also tend to feel some pull of responsibility to contribute my opinion when I see others in uncouth circumstances. Sometimes this is received rather pleasantly; others it is like how dare I comment on your private situation. The thing is, if I know about it, it isn't that private, or maybe it is private, and I just happen to be on the inside. I think it is something faulty in us (pride comes to mind) that tells us to be offended when other people sincerely try to help. Perhaps not. And that is where prudence is key. When to actually open my mouth and say something to a person. Maybe I think I have insight they don't have. Often the case that you can see something from the distance that you can't when you are coming up on it. I try to be careful. People make their own decisions, and often through much prayer you and I both come to different decisions but we are both sure that is what is for us. That must be understood.

Especially when you have taken the time to give your opinion, even had it listened to and heard fairly, and then rejected on reasonable basis. You then have to accept it. Maybe you could not do it. It doesn't matter; it is not your life.

After all of that, I wonder how many people would confront me like that. How many people, if I were to open something to them would just listen and not feel the inclination to tell me why they are sure I am wrong. Maybe they think it is not their business. If I tell them, it becomes their business (obviously depending on the degree of information relayed, and many things, etc.). I need people to tell me where I am wrong.

I have always prided myself on being able to detect to a fairly accurate degree my faults/sins. Often when I sinned, I knew it was sin. This -- trait, I guess you would call it comes in very handy now. Maybe I matured a little, but now when I recognize something as sin I find it very hard to continue through with it. I often immediately start to pray about it, and confess the thought. But with my aging I also know that my self-detection ability is not near what I took it to be. I don't see things. The wisdom I am gaining is enough to recognize my pride as giving me a false sense of things. I need people...friends, and family. I need them to come to me with genuine prayer-filled thoughts about something in my life they think I could change. It doesn't mean it is about sin. It is about a foolish decision they see me leading up to that they made in their life...or saw someone make. The more I live the more I sense that it is foolish to ignore advice from older people. But, of course, it is not just older people. I have gained a wealth of advice/knowledge/wisdom/experience from my peers. I value that.

There have been times in my life where people stood by and watched me do something without a word, yet they had serious misgivings about it. In one instance it wasn't until later that I actually found that out. I'm glad I found out though.

I think a big part of this is my integral need for honesty. I cannot abide falsehood. If all we have in life is communication, and if that communication cannot be trusted to mean what it says, then what do we have? However, if I am to be honest to you, I cannot sit by silently. Silence is assent. However, much we may disgree this is true. If I sit by silently while you go and make the biggest mistake of your life, and I say nothing because it is your life and your decision, I am granting my assent to the situation. In your mind, I don't care enough about you to object, or I don't think I need to object. A sad state.

Back to where I was, I need people to be honest with me. I need people to tell me my ideas stink. I need people to tell me that I am off; that I am missing something; that they don't think I can do such-and-such; that I would be better at something else, etc. One of my roommate told me once he didn't think I could be a pastor, but said I would make a good lawyer. I believe I blogged about it on more than one occasion. I was upset. I couldn't believe it. Yet, the more I thought about it, I was glad he was willing to tell me.

I had considered singing in the choir. My parents told me church choirs were for people with good voices. Hard to hear, but true.

I am still of the opinion that I can do pretty much anything I set my mind to (though my mental list of things I cannot is getting longer). However, I am getting old, and soon I will be jumping over many things that I will no longer be capable of doing. Only 4 years ago I was seriously considering law school. When I mention it, Kaylynn says, "Yeah, I thought I was going to marry a lawyer." Yet, today, had that thought not occured to me, it wouldn't even be a possible option. Further, I have a wife now. We all know it is possible to go through school with a wife and kids, but no one will ever say it is ideal. Necessary for some people for what God has called them too, but not ideal. At 26, in one year, when (if I finish my MA) I can truly begin my next pursuit, I must look at how long it will take me. Yes, having a PhD at 35 would be superb, but Lord willing we will have some children by then, and how much of their lives will I have missed? What will I be asking Kaylynn to go through?

You see, part of the reason I blog is for others to help me. I need help. I need advice, and advisors. I'm not asking you to all comment on everything and say don't do x, do do y. But, I would ask that you pray for me and my house.

It is late; I should go. I suppose the one reason for me to blog more often is so you don't get stuck reading 6 page blogs, ha!