more and more

Well, when I blogged this afternoon it wasn't long since I needed a nap. But here I go again. Back to work tomorrow. Different after being off for so long.

I love writing about things that matter. I love having the time and resources to research those things, and convey them to others. I wonder if I love it so much because I don't have an unlimited amount of either time or resources. When I had time off work this summer I was on vacation and around places, and didn't have access to lots of resources. Anyway, the thought there is that perhaps I would become tired and exhausted from doing it if it is all I did.

What type of occupation would I find enjoyable all the time? I don't think it is teaching. As I prep for this year, I don't think I am made to be a teacher. What that means for me and my family I don't know.

Side note: Are you familiar with the feeling of disgust at the sound of someones voice? You hear it and you just start to feel all the feelings you associate with it? Even if none of those should logically be present at the moment. It just drives me crazy.

I like to write. I greatly enjoyed writing up my last long blog. I enjoy spending time thinking through those things. There is comfort for me in having things completely settled in my own mind and not having to depend on someone else. I have seen empty headed-people soak up like a sponge whatever they heard. I don't want to be like that. I'm not like that. But in its place I questions what I hear. I need to have a deep-seeded trust in that person but what they say must also be grounded in the principles I already know to be true.

I like to know how things work together. When I was reading my Apologetics book, he mentioned that in his first edition he thought every Christian should read a book like that. Whatever edition I had he mentioned that this is not the case. He wrote of two different sets of people: one basically was the one that had a hard time believing anything that could not be proved, so for example, why should we believe the Bible? We need to prove its necessity and validity without using it before we can rely on it. My real life example is concerning the Bible issue. I know people who don't really have a firm grasp on the subject and yet cling to it even arguing against those that are have a better grasp. These don't have the time or resources to actually study the issue and so they go on what they have heard from those they trust. The other group is the group that needs to have every nuance explained to them and examined before they accept anything.

I tend to believe that I am of the second group. I like to have things researched out and examined. I think that I need to make sure I utilize myself wisely this year. I have a lot I would like to accomplish, and potential I see in myself. I don't know what God has for me. I don't. I wish I did. I wish I knew that if I make it through the next 1, 2, 3, or even 5-10 years that I would achieve my goal. But, no, there is no guarantee. The guarantee is that God will provide for me and mine. He will work everything out for our good. There is no occupational guarantee. There is no guarantee of blessings in a job that I will enjoy for the rest of my life.

There is none of that. Calvin hated Geneva. He said he wished himself dead 100 times a day, yet he would not leave because that is what God had for him. Yet, the things he did enjoy, he did while there. He wrote tons and tons. His Institutes achieved their final form while there. He wrote several commentaries, and wrote to several kings, queens, and other royalty. He was brilliant. I am not Calvin however. However much I desire such a mind; I am thankful for what I have.

I am thankful for my wife. Through all these thoughts and struggles within me she has been a great support. She is willing to follow me what/where-ever God will send us. She has always encouraged me, and I love her dearly.

Then I have been thinking about my church situation which I blogged about briefly earlier. We heard 18 stanzas of something again tonight. So much stuff wrong here, and yet some stuff right, and it seems like God has lead us here in some way. Yet, I don't know. I can't know. . . . . . . . . . . .AUGHAUAHUGAUHAHUGA! /sigh. Ok. So I finally became facebook friends with some of the people at the church. My profile states that I'm a Calvinist. So, there it is. My sphere of influence has been enlarged by me becoming acquainted with the people here at the church, yet, now I have more opportunity to be shunned and viewed as a heretic.

I have heard that it is very possible that an Armenian pastor will not even let me be an usher, nor serve in the church in any way. That would stink.

I thought about starting my own church again. My wife vetod that idea. Which makes sense since I am working 11 hour days and she is pregnant. When would I canvass? When would I prep messages? Where would we hold church? What would I do for music? Yet, the idea is there again.

I have been thinking about writing a commentary this semester. Depending on how classes go and what I can take and how much work it involves I may try to get one done. I think I can do it. With lots of work it should be solid. I need a good book to do. I was thinking Galatians for various reasons.

Anyway, it is time for me to go to bed now. Goodnight.