so much to say -- 2nd title = don't read, too long.

And yet I can't get it onto the blog. I tried to blog yesterday and it didn't work. I'm sitting here and have some ideas of what I want to say and no intro to it. However, if I keep typing and typing I'm sure it will all come out eventually.

So we got into the Bible issue like I said Sunday night. Well, Heather was going to email me, so she did. I sat down yesterday and wrote a 5.5 page response to her paragraph of questions. I asked and stressed several times that she read it several times and think about it. I got an email back today. "I read it once." Ok, I understand that. She wants to make sure she's getting it ok. Then, "but I don't like that you quoted people." Then a paragraph about how this should be what I think and not just me citing other people.

First, I sent maybe 1 page of quotes in my 5.5 page response. So mostly my words. There is a necessity to quoting. I kept reading.

"I'm not taking it lightly, but I'm just trying to make you think." Now I'm steamed. She's trying to make me think. uh huh. . . . . . . . . . . . .5.5 pages. So I start my response. First, there is no way she should have even written today. She should have read it and then read it again and then slept on it and read it again.

So, I am on my fourth paragraph, and she walks by. Then shes like "You get my email?" Then we start talking. I explained about sources. I explained that I was thinking (obviously). Then we talked some more. She says she will write when she has more questions. I don't mind that. She says she will call when she thinks the discussion needs to be in person. I told her I might not answer. I don't really want to discuss this on the phone. With her. So, yeah.

I got another grade back. It was a B+. Now . . . the thing with this grade is much like one of the B's I got last semester. Unfortunately it was all my fault, and there isn't much I can say for an excuse.

I DL'd and listened to 3 sermons by the head of the Bible dept, that he preached on the Bible issue at his church. Bleh. Propaganda (sp?). Anyway, I figured I'd better listen. Some good stuff. Some bad stuff, and some info. Just what I figured, though he did give me more ammo than I thought he would have.

I talked to my one roommate about our "personal theology" statements. The Prof had said these were to be our doctrinal statements for years to come. So that's how I did mine. What he meant was "sit down with a Bible and write down everything you in your limited time and experience can recall on this topic. It doesn't matter if its thorough as long as you try." That's why I got a B. I didn't sit down and try to come up with something new. I must be a noob, b/c something in me just said, "I am young and ignorant, and I will undoubtedly miss things. I better use references in making the statement that will last me the next 10 years." What a fool I was!


Ok, yeah, I've been QQing about that one for a while now.

I made 3 cups of rice, and threw in like 20 slices of cheese, and my roommate threw in a block of valveeta, and I threw in a bunch of his ham, and then we threw it in the oven. It came out a tad try. We did add milk, just not enough we figured. But otherwise it was mmmmm good.

I have a presentation in the morning. Bleh. But it shouldn't be too bad imo. Mostly b/c we are all nervous and few of the people in the class actually know what this is about, or understand what the prof wants. We all asked him over and over. So, if we all bomb it then we are all ok. This is b/c a straight grade is impossible, but rather everything gets graded according to the best. At least out here.

My brother thinks he can beat me in Street Fighter. He might, but it might be one of those rare occasions when I win over and over. That would be cool.

I haven't packed yet. I plan on doing that tomorrow after class. Then I plan on taking a nap for 3-5 hours so I can miss Chicago traffic. Then I plan on driving for the next 7.

It will be cool to be home. I have bills....lots of them. That bothers me. I think no matter what, I need to get a job next semester. I need to start thinking farther ahead then just paying for school. I need a motorcycle. I have debt. I need to buy a house. I need to buy . . . lots of stuff.

Remember, money answereth all things. Some verse in Ecc.

VB in 30 minutes. I am only aware of 4 people that were sure they were coming. We tried to get more but I don't think it worked. So, yeah, it will be not as fun, but still fun.

I have this desire to read some books this summer, but part of me says I will never do it no matter how much I want to right now. I don't like that part of me, but its probly right. There is so much I don't know. The people who do know, know what they know. I took this last year and studied the Bible issue. I know a LOT more than I did. Still a lot I don't know, and haven't read.

Btw, I came across this verse in my devo's last night. 1 Cor. 11:7. Man was made in the image of God, as contrasted to woman. Yes, there it is in black and white. So, even though I didn't want to point out that Gen. never states that woman was made in God's image, and even though that twists some things we are used to it may very well be the case. We can't any longer say "murder is wrong b/c man is in God's image." I'm not pronouncing it here as fact. It is an interesting verse that pertained to my current discussion. I will be looking into this further though, Lord willing. What ramifications does it have? Is there a sense in which humans are all in God's image and a special sense in which only man is? What do others say about it? Interesting stuff.

I got my first AGM today. Yay me!! Then I was down there again and asked for help. I had 6 70's from a guild I don't know come down. The one almost always comes down and helps me. The other 5 just came with. It was awesome.

I'm not writing to point fingers or impress guilt, but this is something that has always been a wonder to me. Mostly b/c I'm always on the guilty side myself. And that is, why do strangers find it easier to take time to help?

But how many times would I be asked for help and I wanted to lvl my staves to 300, or I wanted AD rep. I remember telling all the officers that we should drop what we are doing to help the guild. That is why we are there. Most of them didn't like that. Who would? That makes wow your job, sorta. But I viewed it then as the guildies were the customers and the officers were the employees. Anyway, I didn't always want to help people.

I'm sure part of it has to do with familiarity. I am familiar with you, therefore I ask for help, more often than I would from someone else. At the same time, when do I help? Who asks for help? I heard recently of someone who felt like he wasn't getting too much help, but rather was just being taken advantage of. I feel bad. There are certain people that I feel right now I would drop w/e to help them. There are others I would feel I would have to help them. I would once or twice b/c I owe'd them, not b/c I particularly liked them.

I think its the people who don't expect anything from life, or anyone else. I remember when it got to that point in the guild. People wanted help getting blues. I would get on and deliver my normal speech how everyone was 60 already and I had to run everything with a PUG to get any gear. I didn't want to help them. Then we had other people in the guild who would always be going out of their way to help.

I guess I'm not just a very kind person. I wouldn't have even considered this though without WoW. I mean I get along. I can be cordial. I can be friendly. I can also be mean and sarcastic. But I wouldn't have thought about it. I actually probably would have defined myself as somewhat kind I think. I don't mind helping people . . . or do I? Well, obviously I do. I just wrote a page on how I don't and why. Yeah, its true....I'm not kind. That stinks.

You know, when I was in my younger years (heh) I would have days where (in my ignorance) I would say "wow, yesterday I only sinned like a few times." Now, speaking of physical actions that was true. But I was not in an attitude of submission. I was not in a place of humbleness. I did not spend my time in meditation on proper things. It wasn't that I was bad, but that I wasn't good. And we all know, not good = bad.

Its so hard to maintain proper perspective. The more I study theology, and then read about studying theoloy (mostly on the KJB issue, but it flows into every aspect of life) the whole point becomes obvious. Theology can only be properly done with a correct attitude of God. (yeah, dave we know this already) But the thing is, this attitude must be constant submission. We cannot know God except He reveal Himself. So my reading the Bible *must* be in submission to the Spirit or I just wasted my time. (well, per se)

Repentance is not a every time you sin thing. Repentance is an attitude. Sin is not something that happens occasionally. Your mind starts to wander in church? Sin. 5 minutes later is happens again? sin. It isn't like its just one sin and you can confess it all after church, and therefore just let your mind wander.

It is extremely hard to remember this. = / I find however that when I forget I sin. /sigh. Going to VB. I might get back to this when I get back. idk. 8:48

So I played VB. I invited some people. If I had not invited some of them then by time Kaylynn showed up we would have all been gone. However she didn't play anyway, and the other guy I invited didn't give us a chance to talk, and spent an annoying amount of time giving her her computer which apparently he was working on for something. She ended up staying for a while but we only had 5 so we didn't get to talk. It was interesting to say the least. And annoying.

So now, I'm just bleh. I got another email from Heather in the time I was gone. I think she caught my tone in the last one. She was just letting me know she may not come to any conclusion ever on this, and e-mails would be more rare since she has to study this more. Fine with me. I'm not in the best mood. I'm tired, I have a project to work on and I'm back to this odd jumble of thinking.

On the other hand, I have gotten more arena chests lately then in a long time. Only 10 more. Sounds like a lot, but I grabbed the last 7 rather quickly. Its sad though that the bright spot I reference is the STV arena. Seriously. Part of me is already not wanting to work BK. I can do it. I will be good at it again. I will do my job, and people will hate/love me. But bleh.

I can't help but think of all the money I will be needing...yes I already talked about it. Grats to you if you have made it this far in this post. Comments on novel length and such are not original but you are welcome to make them anyway.

Turns out my cousin just started work. Perfect timing. Now I will never get to see him. /sigh I want/need to laugh. Really laugh. I need to stop thinking. I have been and my brain is tired of the constant argument thinking right now. I can sit down and right 5 pages in an afternoon and its not hard. Yay. I couldn't before, but right now I didn't jump on my last prof when he said he was a 4 pointer....like there is such a thing. I have participated in discussion, but I'm slowing down, and it bothers me. I need to stay on top for another two days. Well, one day. I'm not sure going home will be a break yet though.

Only if I put off getting a job. But I need to go asap, b/c I need to be polite to them, and I need the cash. Otherwise, I might get Monday. Monday will be good. The weekend is undoubtedly busy. That isn't bad. I want to have everyone over. I need that too. But I need some time to just stop. I think.

So. . .I like apologetics. Its cool. I like logic. I can do that. God blessed that way. Part of me wants to stop school after this. I want to start saving. I don't know . . . and I'm not thinking clearly right now, and anything I say is most likely huey at this point.

I said bye to everyone at church Wed. It was weird how many people I have come to know. A deacon I had rarely spoke to told me he was glad to see me all year and was looking forward to me coming back. I got the comment I was a fixture. Pretty true. I sat by myself in the front. Every service. I will miss some of that.

We talked about altar calls, invitations and hero stories today. All bad. Well, that's not what the prof said, but I say it, and you can quote me on it....no, better not. b/c I said it without context. If you want to quote me, just make sure you realize there was no context.

Don't stand in front of your people and undermine the Bible. Wait....that wasn't today. But I figure we all need to be reminded of that on occasion anyway. Can't hurt right?

I'm still thinking. I am only writing to stop my brain from running. It slows it down. Basically. Maybe Corey is on vent. We could play poker....yes, I should be doing a paper. I don't need to hear that now, but thanks anyway.

That is the funny thing. People always like to tell you what you know, like you don't know it. I mean, its my paper. /sigh.

I'm tired of people. That's a sad fact. People are . . . that's just me reverting back to my arrogant self. Fast food will only bring that fact out more.

I heard that the District Manager told the store manager that she couldn't hire me. She talked him into it. He's a moron. I was always better than him, and apparently he hasn't changed. I hear she has changed and gotten better. I hope its true. I really do. We got along at first, but in the end things weren't great. But if shes better than I see no problems arising in 2 months. Plus, it would be nice to get along with her.

I saw a building for rent, and the first year was free. For some reason my brain couldn't come up with a purpose for it. I'm slipping bad. I used to walk buy buildings and think "If I could only get that place rent free for just a bit I could start my business." Now I see this nice building, good location, and I think "wish I had seen that before." Like I'm past my prime. FIE!! (I can say that right? oh well, I'm saying it.)

Someone said something about Shakespear in class. I could probably benefit from reading him right now. It sounds good, but at the same time it sounds like listening to "Into the West." Do I really need that sad song playing right now? Yes, it is a sad song.

Well....I'm getting on vent. brb Nope, Corey isn't there. Thursday....he golfed today. Idk what he's doing now....probly playing CoD2. Meh.

WoW holds no appeal to me right now. People want me to lvl, and I want to, but I lost it. I lost the appear of gear a LONG time ago. The appeal that kept me going was running something. I have nothing to run. My twink is almost to the boring part. I stopped PvPing. Granted this has been a busy week, but its just not easy to log on. But, I have nothing I say "I want to do xxxxx" No, I have nothing fun to replace it with atm. VB was fun.

I played on a team 2v3. They won the first game. I killed them the next two. Then I got the 3 team. We won again. Obviously. I woulda tried 1v4 just for the fun of it. Can't say I woulda won, but I woulda put up a fight.

I guess the appeal needs to be PvP at a high lvl. But honestly I think I stink at it. I was never too good at it. I could heal. I was PvE, and I could go PvP when I had a warrior. But then it was PvE for me. Lyss with me and 3 more healers, and we own'd AV every day, 3 times a day for a week. That was the height of my PvP. I went shadow for a bit, and hit like...rank 9 I think. Most likely I get to 70 and ruin the rank of w/e team I join. I don't understand the theory. I know the spells, and the stuff, but the timing/etc all needs to be lrn'd. And I lrn better if someone tells me than by trying to figure it out. I have little imagination sadly. I'm not sure why....I doubt it was b/c of TV/video games. I just don't think outside the box too much. Maybe here and there. I need another IQ test........

I should read Ecc. It fits my mood. Life is meaningless. All things die. Nothing is new. Laugh/cry/eat/drink, b/c you will die. Obviously this is a bad mood, and boarders on sin b/c of the depressing attitude. (I give myself the benefit of the doubt with "boarders" I know)

I have tried something new in my devos. Reading the Bible in the morning AND at night. Imagine that. Twice a day. Wow me. Its better for me I think. Its not like its lots more material, but I think it helps keep perspective, and set the mood for the day and then the end of the day.

1 Cor 11 is sure an interesting passage. The hair/covering material can be very convincing different ways every time you read it. Thankfully its not my problem, ;P

We are at 5.8 pages MS word. Good luck with this one. I think I'm almost done.

Ok, well. My body has recovered a bit from the adrenaline and the physical activity. My mind has perked up a tad due to the Vault I drank just a bit ago. I'm somewhat more calm I guess would be the word. I'm just tired...of everything right now. I don't want to pack. I don't want to drive. I don't want to take 94, to 894, to 90, to 94, to 196, to 27, to 46....or however that goes.

Its beautiful outside. Nice and cool. Dark. The fresh air is coming in through the open window.

Professionalism doesn't exist. Someone puts a PP together and it has a grammar error. You mention it and they then confide in you that they put the whole thing together that afternoon but everyone submitted a different part and it hadn't been checked yet. GG. Maybe run through it at least once before you show it in church....maybe?

One year working BK, my theme of February was "Everyone is stupid." I told everyone I worked with that that was the theme. They all knew it. I said it probably everyday. Whether that was good or not, I'm not commenting on. I said it and for the most part it was true. The word everyone was the exaggeration, and the word stupid carried the normal connotation not the techincal meaning. But with those stipulations understood by me I could make that statement truthfully. (heh)

So, were this February I would close with "Everyone is stupid." But its not. So . . . . . . the principle still applies outside the month anyway. Don't be stupid. It is something anyone can avoid do they so desire, but the fact is most people dispute the fact and thus don't even attempt to find the solution b/c they won't admit the problem....first step is what? Admitting you have a problem. Yes, you can pretend your comment is witty in that I need to admit I have a problem with long posts. Go for it. I'll cya all sooner or later....sooner this week or later at a wedding. Btw, there IS a wedding in August. The date has not yet been decided. I will keep you posted as I find out....but who knows, maybe I won't get invited anyway. Ok, that was uncalled for synicism....but its after 12 and I'm cranky and just claimed everyone is stupid. Call me on it if you want. I'm in the mood to argue to win, and not b/c I'm right. Yeah, and I'm not sure synicism is a word either. But it sounds good.

Ok, I'm out now.