generosity, family, and my selfishness

P. S. I wrote a short story which I posted in the previous blog if you are just arriving after a short time. That "P" stands for Pre, not Post this time.



My parents have always been generous. Mom would be giving away bread and brownies and we would be complaining about it. But we gave things away. My parents didn't advertise when they were doing it. It would be conversations I overheard about someone else they gave money too, etc.

When I started my first job, delivering papers, I think I was generous. At the time I thought I was generous too. I would buy myself and siblings slushies from the Dairy Delight after my route was over. Not every day, but I do recall buying them on multiple occasions. I would buy pizzas for the house.

Then, I started getting selfish. I know part of it started from my disgust with indecision and people lying about stuff. For example, "Which piece do you want?" "I don't care." Really? We all want that piece right there which is the biggest one, and no one wants the corner piece which is half the size of the other ones. Anyway, I started taking the biggest piece every time. People were hesitant about going first, so I went first. I was tired of wasting time, and tired of pretending. Really, I was being selfish. My brother knew it. He kept pointing it out and it upset him. I'm sorry Mike, you were right.

SWCCG was great, but after I realized there were not just 4 of us that owned cards, my junk cards obtained value. I would feign connection and conflict about trading something that was really completely worthless to me because someone else did see value in it. I quote the verse "It is naught, it is naught, saith the buyer: but when he is gone his way, then he boasteth." That was me. I knew that was me. I was proud of it. I would pretend and pretend and go away bragging. I was only beginning to see value in my worthless stuff.

WoW started and every piece of junk became useful. Anything dumb and worthless could be sold to the right person for profit. I began to correlate to real life. The principle of the money I made at the auction with stupid stuff should translate to real life. People buy stupid stuff. The problem with suddenly seeing value, was that coupled with my selfishness, I didn't want to give anything away. I had a hard time giving things away in WoW where it didn't matter, let alone in real life where it did. There was no reason for me to give anything away. I could sell it on ebay. I could barter it. Then, I distinctly remember someone giving me a video card. Just like that. Video cards are expensive. A new one, could be hundreds of dollars; a older used one, sure, maybe he could have only made $20, but that was $20.

He had a new one, and so he gave me his old one. The whole incident wasn't really new. I had grown up wearing clothes from many different cousins and uncles. But this one shocked me. Obviously; I remember it still. He just gave it to me.

I had to start telling myself to be generous. I have also had to remind myself that generosity is not just a matter of giving money away to people. It can be found in other ways.

We were extremely blessed at our wedding. People that I didn't give a single thing to gave large amounts to us. Part of that of course is that I was still under my parents house and they gave, but now I'm growing up.

Now I have a house of my own; completely furnished by people who gave to us. They gave us everything we have. Just recently, are there things in our living room that were not given us: my PC-- which I've had for years, and our new piano. We have been so abundantly blessed. But even as I experienced this, I was not thinking this was normal. People are more generous when called together and when the need is obvious and presented. (Yes, I know I'm cynical.) But that isn't it at all. And I am ashamed that I thought that way about my family's generosity. They are just generous.

See, part of my cynicism comes from the fact that I know the heart is deceitful and wicked. I know that people are selfish beings. These are facts, and so me seeing a generous act or person contradicts the facts and I see an exception, not a child of God. Again, shame on me.

We are blessed so far above what we could ever think. I was prepared to live with no TV. I was prepared to sleep on an air mattress for a year (or longer). I was prepared for all this stuff. God blessed through generous people.

Recently, because of our tax refund we were able to get a piano. I found a power cord for our laptop that stopped working within a couple months of being down here. It was only $10, so now we have our laptop back. We were given a giant TV. GIANT. Also, due to our tax refund, and some ebay bidding, there is a PS3 arriving Tuesday.

On top of all that, God worked so that we haven't paid a single bill from the hospital. That was our biggest worry. We were paying the doctor's visits fine. We really didn't/don't have $8000, or anything like it.

Its still hard for me to accept generosity from others sometimes. "Thank you" seems so inadequate, and yet there is nothing else I can really do.

In conclusion, God is good! Praise the Lord for his goodness!! And thank you to all my family and friends who have been generous and who have taught me how to be generous in return.


Part 2. Title: Sin and America

I was having a conversation on the way home from church, and we were discussing socialism, and capitalism, and economies and such. It was not in great detail, just some stuff. Then, we were discussing where we might feel comfortable moving. But it came up about all the sin in some other places in the world. As we discussed, we talked about the sin in America as well. But, as we discussed I continued to think about it. Yes, America is horrible. America is going down the wrong path. We are fighting tooth and nail to keep sin out and away. To keep it in the dark and private, rather than out in the open and light. I don't know about other countries on certain issues, or on what they fight against; I do know that America is not the worst of it. Other countries are worse.

I used to mock the liberals for saying dumb stuff like "I'm moving if . . ." Really, forget the economic system, or military might, but from a clearly moral standpoint, isn't America still near the top? Maybe not right on top, but that's hard to say.

And then a continuing solemn thought, if America is near the top and we are this bad, certainly this world does not have long to go. We can find quotes of people describing the wickedness of America in the 1930s and how it was like Noah's day. It has worsened. If this is America. . .why do we cling to this world like the lost?

Why do we want to stay? Why do we find enjoyment in this filth ridden world? Why are we close enough to the world to try to find joy in it? We get so close that we forget joy only comes from God. We look for it in our friends and in our things and in our games and our recreation. BAH! Shame on us.

Our joy comes from God. "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice."

We should feel disgusted with this world. We should just be ready to go home. Its like when you are out all day...or even for a few days, and you are "ok" but you just want to go home. You are ready. And yes, mom or dad say you have to stay for a bit longer. Or you need to wait for the bride and groom to cut the cake. And you really just can't wait to get home. That should be us...when can we go home?

Even so come Lord Jesus.