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So, after a lot of discussion and thought, I have come to some conclusions. I am still uncertain if I'm beginning with those, or with the the recent church experiences. Yeah, let's start with those.
We heard that we should try a church that was another 35-40 minutes away. So, we did. We went in the morning. We sat in the back. Another man sat in front of us. He noticed several other people greeting us, and so he turned around to greet us too. He was also a visitor he said. He was the original pastor of the church we were at which he started some several years ago. In the conversation we mentioned we were from MI. I'm assuming that was the reason that he then did something surprising. He recommended another church. He was talking in a whispered voice. More along the humorous tone than a hushed secretive tone. He assumed we were "independent," then went on to say he was part of the Southern Baptist Convention. "Heretics" he said, then chuckled. He was a nice guy. The service was horrible. The preaching was just a mess. The pastor's kid I had seen and recognized from MBBC. He recognized us too. The pastor's wife was a talker...took us a while to get out. It was a mess.
In the evening service, we went to the church recommended by the pastor at the other one. It was better. Preaching was some of the best we had heard in a long while. (Not to say it was great. It wasn't. Just better than some.) The music wasn't bad. Wasn't exactly traditional; wasn't real modern either. The beat was not at all heavy. The melody was fine. The words however were new, and on a screen. I am not opposed to a screen all the time. However, when they are new songs, and there is no music to follow, it makes it very weird. I was not able to take part in the worship. I wanted to sing. I didn't know the tune. The words were on the screen, but I could not sing and make a joyful noise unto the Lord. That was the same tonight. I don't like screens. I like reading music.
The preaching Sunday was ok. Like I said, not great. It was satisfactory for the last Sunday night of the year. It was understandable with much application. But it was not deep. It was not something that would be good if it typified the regular messages at the church. My fear is it did. We will have to wait to find out. Tonight was not good. There are two screens. One behind the pastor; one behind the congregation. The pastor's notes on the screen. Well, tonight he couldn't keep a sentence together without referencing the wall. It interrupted his sentences, and his thought patterns. Now, he did have two funerals today with graveside services. So, he had an exhausting day. So, again, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. That has been our church experience this week.
Now, on to my conclusions regarding churches, and memberships, and all that good stuff that drives a man insane. We have been looking for a long time. Over a year. We have been disgusted, discouraged, and downhearted. We have talked to a lot of people. We have thought this through from many different angles. Different things have appealed to us. We have bent on things we didn't want to.
The question is really, "How important is church attendance and/or membership?" If, attendance is really really really important, than maybe that outweighs the importance of some other doctrine, preference, etc. If membership is important, that changes things too.
The Bible places importance on fellowship and joining to a local church. This importance is not to be neglected nor is it voided by the importance the Bible places on other things.
Important things: (1) If we find a Baptist church, we are less likely to encounter stuff like baby baptizing, or elder rule. (2) If they hold to the KJV then the Word of God will go forth. It never returns void, and so God's Word will accomplish what He wills it to accomplish. (3) Arielle needs to be in church. She needs to get into the habit of being there. She needs to know it is important for her parents to be in church and on time. She needs to know we understand the importance of the Word of God. She won't get a lot of that in the beginning. But she will get the habit. She will learn to sit still and listen. And, by the age of three, she will have some of the habit. (4) It is important for us to be around the saints too. We need it even when we think we don't. Praising God, singing, giving, and hearing the Word preached is something we can't measure in a tangible way. It is amazing how much difference it makes to be in God's house. (5) If we are in church, we can make a difference. We can serve. We can be active. We can be an encouragement to others. We can do those things. The stories I have heard of the Calvinists being the most active witnesses at the church could not have taken place if they had not joined the church where such a thing like that would be noticed. I need to be faithful in the smaller things. I need to go on visitation. I need to go door-to-door. I haven't done that before. I need to be involved. Before, I was thinking I needed to teach, and so I wouldn't join a church where that wouldn't happen. Maybe I shouldn't be starting by asking and telling the stance on Calvinism. Oh well.
Anyway, so there is our decision. Maybe I'll post some of it on facebook, so all the others with some input can read our reasoning.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
friends, pride, family, debate, emotions
Well, its been over a month since I blogged last (again.) What's new? Lots of stuff; and lots is old. Lots are old? "Lots is" does not sound right, but of course, that's because I am skipping words. Much remains the same. There.
I realized recently that I wanted someone to talk to about what was going on. I thought many times of the people I could call, or just see and talk to, and yet, time constraints, and my hesitation prevented me. It is good to talk to friends and family of the events of my life. What I have been hesitant about is that things aren't going so great, and I am not looking for pity. Compassion? maybe. Understanding, and encouragement: definitely.
I have a hard time accepting things from others. People are kind. They are generous. I just have a hard time accepting it. Maybe it is a foolish self-reliance (though, I would admit I am not reliant on myself). In the end, I understand that it is probably my pride, in that I can care and provide for myself. Asking for and accepting help means that I am not capable. Of course, writing/thinking it out, I see the foolishness in it. What difference does it make, if God provides through an extra tutoring session this week, and through my family next week. God is providing either way. But, I can claim some form of involvement in the first. Perhaps that is why my pride gets in the way.
It is Christmas time. I am out of school. I have two weeks off. The librarian walked by today and asked if I was heading to MI. I had to say no. Then I had to think about it. I try to avoid that. I do a pretty good job about it. This year doesn't seem like Christmas is real anyway. I'm trying to snap out of that. No snow. No cold. I'm still wearing shorts and flip-flops. I did wear jeans a few times...but that's not enough. We have done some Christmas shopping, but we were not able to get people as much as we would have liked.
Here is a bah-humbug section. I don't like the exchanging of gifts. Perhaps I don't like it because I can't afford to give something that really shows thought. If the thought is what counts, what thought does it really show to buy a giftcard? I mean, I have some stuff that I would have liked to give people; they probably would have liked it. I couldn't. That frustrates me. We exchange gifts, because it is expected. Now, this isn't everyone. But it isn't because I found THIS and I wanted to give it to you because I thought you would like it.
What do I want for Christmas? I want to be with family and relax, and have fun. I want the people around me to be happy. I don't want some "thing."
This will be my first Christmas I am not with all my family. Well, I am with MY family, but I think you know what I mean. It will be my first Christmas where I am not in MI. I will miss all the people. Everyone knows I would be there if I could. Because we had to come to this conclusion several months ago, it seems odd that it is just getting here now. I have kinda already gone through the disappointment of not being in MI, and now its actually here. . .and I will not be seeing my parents, my brother, my sisters, my cousins. /sigh. God is good.
That brings up more frustrations. Family Christmas just got canceled. I better not blog about it. . . . . .It might be too touchy; but it hurt.
Let me segue from that into something else touchy. Debate and personal feelings. When debating about Scripture, and therefore absolute truth, we are not talking about what hurts your feelings. Just because the Bible teaches election and you are offended because now God is not fair in your eyes, or because now you feel a sense of robotics affecting you. It does not matter how you feel one bit. What matters is truth. So what if you think that God is too loving to not save the "good" [insert denomination here]. Does that matter one bit? I have been in discussions with people where it becomes personal too fast and their view is dictated on their experience. At MBBC, I said something (don't even remember what, sorry) and some kid got very upset (he was the emotional type) because his dad was a pastor and what I said disagreed with something his dad did. It was an immediate abandoning of the Scripture presented. We had to stop the discussion because he was too caught up in it. I didn't understand it.
Obviously, there are things that are hard to discuss. There are things that are hard to deal with, and proper timing is important. But really, I think we are fools if we think we can discuss things without them affecting our lives. It matters where we put our trust. Is our trust in these people? Our dad? Our mom? Our pastor? Our college professor? Our husband? Our wife? If we put our trust in these people, we will be in turmoil if it can be shown that they are wrong. It will destroy our erroneous world view. If our worldview rests on the notion of someone or something being correct and that is not the Scripture, then we are foolish.
Too often however, we think we are resting on Scripture and instead are resting on Scripture plus that other something. I am not talking about our faith, but about what we know of life, and our worldview. It is not enough for me to rest on Scripture and my parents, so why would I do so, or be inclined to do so? (I am not, fyi.) Here is why people feel inclined that way. Well, there may be more than one reason. Here is one.
"In ignorance, people idolize the intelligent." (Yes, once I started that sentence I realized what a point could be made, and would be by many attempting to be neat, when in fact it truly seems lousy to me. I only finished it to be able to point out that hearing stuff like that in a sermon makes me just wish that he would "preach the word.") People look up to their parents and pastor because they have learned all they know from them. These people are like sponges. (By the way, a sponge lacks discernment.) They sit in front of their dad and are wrongfully in awe. They sit in class with their mouths hanging open at the professor's supposed genius. They, like hungry puppies, follow the pastor around the church snatching at every scrap. So, yes, they place undo importance on their teachers. (I shouldn't have to put this disclaimer here, but I do anyway...(that itself bothers me in church, when pastors have to put disclaimers on stuff. . .sad day we are living in.)So, here is the actual disclaimer: I am not saying we shouldn't respect our parents, pastors, professors. Indeed, we owe them much because they have given their time and their knowledge to help us grow. But we are not to come to depend on them. We are to grow, and mature so that we no longer need them in for our every move, but rather as counselors. And the wise will make use of his counselors.)
Well, I have strayed from the path, but in this case, the path was not absolute, and so no harm was done. One of my friends in seminary shared some of his notes with me. It was great to read them. Made me miss it. I often do, when I read the issues of deep doctrine. Some people do not need to know. Others do not want to know. I crave it.
On that note, I have been reminded often lately of how we are all to crave it. We are to crave God's Word. I'm not saying we should all love to try to figure out what logical order there was to four of God's decrees (creation, fall, salvation, election). No, not for everyone, but we should all desire the sincere milk of the Word that we may grow thereby. It is a huge encouragement to me when I read, or hear others talking about Scripture. When I see application of it. I see it in my life, and it helps seeing it in others. Not to say I'm perfect, or anywhere near it. There are just some things I do because I should.
Continuing, it is interesting to see how my generation has turned out. Some I talk to and hear about God working in their lives. I see and hear the struggles they are going through, and the blessings they encounter. Others, I know little. It is when you know little that the mind can be most dangerous. Of those that I know little, I generally, being the cynic I am, do not think good without reason. It doesn't necessarily mean I think bad, BUT its much easier to get a reason to think bad. I have to be careful.
I am looking at getting my teaching certificate. I have to take some general knowledge test where I have to answer questions and write an essay. Then I have to take some Math test to be able to teach math 6th-12th. I'm guessing it isn't too hard. The only cost I've seen so far is fingerprinting, which I have already done, so that's good. But, I will probably have to pay something when it is actually time to take the tests.
I won KOTOR twice. Once as dark, once as light. Dark was more fun. I found a cheating mod where I could edit my gear, stats, skills, feats, powers, etc. Made the second game a bit easier, but also it may have made it boring...or that could have been me playing the same thing I had a week back. I've been thinking of getting Kingdom hearts 2, mostly because I was wanting a game. That kinda died though. A game doesn't sound too appealing right now. Maybe I just need a better game. I heard assassin's creed was pretty good. I haven't played any of the neverwinter night, oblivion, elder scrolls stuff. (I don't even know if those are the same games, or related or what.) We were really thinking of getting an xbox/wii for christmas. That was when we thought we could afford something more.
I really want to get a piano. Kaylynn would like to play, and I would like to hear her. I also have been wishing for a musical instrument lately, and if we have to buy one, it might as well be something we can both play (at least a little for me).
I have been thinking of writing a book again. Yes, I do that regularly. This time, I kept thinking about it and thinking about it. Finally, a story came to me. Then I get online to see what money we might be talking about. Probably a penny an hour. Writers don't get much, unless they sell huge. Harry Potter, and Twilight made those ladies rich. I can't write to a crowd that I can't really appreciate though. And I can't appreciate twilight, and the writing of HP just seemed childish (well, duh! It was for kids).
Anyway, most writers get paid twice a year. From what I saw, it might be reasonable to expect $1 a book for every hardcover book that sells. And it might be reasonable to expect $.40 for every softcover. If I want to live on that, I'm going to have to sell a LOT of books. Of course, there are billions of people and if only 60,000 want my book, I could live with that. HA! Anyway, I know I don't have what Tolkien had. I don't have what Jordan had. I don't think I even have close to Rothfuss. I don't know about Martin. Could never make it through the beginning of his series.
The other problem I have is knowledge base. Rothfuss said in one of his early interviews that he has read around 10,000 novels. I was not an English major, nor did I teach English, nor work with literature for a living. I have read WoT, NotW, and LotR. Go me? I think not. I've read more I'm sure, but not in the non-sci-fi fantasy genre. Every bookstore and library has shelf after shelf of fantasy. I don't even know where to start for fear of being disappointed. I'm not going to pay $8 to read something that I'm going to regret. That's why I wait for Matt to tell me to read something.
Regardless, it has been an outlet for my mind the last two days to continue to build this story. To work around the pitfalls. I try to think of what I would want to happen were I reading the book, then I plan conflict before that can happen. I don't like the way things work out luckily. But I want the protagonist to get the break he needs. Kvothe met Abenthy early on, but that was not considered too lucky since the conflict had not yet begun. Further, the next noticable break that he gets (that I recall) is when his loot gets broken and he gets a lot of money from Ambrose. Anyway, I am working on some stuff.
I need to go, this has been long and my wife has been far too patient. Since it is unlikely I will blog again, Merry Christmas to all, and a Ho Ho Ho!!
I realized recently that I wanted someone to talk to about what was going on. I thought many times of the people I could call, or just see and talk to, and yet, time constraints, and my hesitation prevented me. It is good to talk to friends and family of the events of my life. What I have been hesitant about is that things aren't going so great, and I am not looking for pity. Compassion? maybe. Understanding, and encouragement: definitely.
I have a hard time accepting things from others. People are kind. They are generous. I just have a hard time accepting it. Maybe it is a foolish self-reliance (though, I would admit I am not reliant on myself). In the end, I understand that it is probably my pride, in that I can care and provide for myself. Asking for and accepting help means that I am not capable. Of course, writing/thinking it out, I see the foolishness in it. What difference does it make, if God provides through an extra tutoring session this week, and through my family next week. God is providing either way. But, I can claim some form of involvement in the first. Perhaps that is why my pride gets in the way.
It is Christmas time. I am out of school. I have two weeks off. The librarian walked by today and asked if I was heading to MI. I had to say no. Then I had to think about it. I try to avoid that. I do a pretty good job about it. This year doesn't seem like Christmas is real anyway. I'm trying to snap out of that. No snow. No cold. I'm still wearing shorts and flip-flops. I did wear jeans a few times...but that's not enough. We have done some Christmas shopping, but we were not able to get people as much as we would have liked.
Here is a bah-humbug section. I don't like the exchanging of gifts. Perhaps I don't like it because I can't afford to give something that really shows thought. If the thought is what counts, what thought does it really show to buy a giftcard? I mean, I have some stuff that I would have liked to give people; they probably would have liked it. I couldn't. That frustrates me. We exchange gifts, because it is expected. Now, this isn't everyone. But it isn't because I found THIS and I wanted to give it to you because I thought you would like it.
What do I want for Christmas? I want to be with family and relax, and have fun. I want the people around me to be happy. I don't want some "thing."
This will be my first Christmas I am not with all my family. Well, I am with MY family, but I think you know what I mean. It will be my first Christmas where I am not in MI. I will miss all the people. Everyone knows I would be there if I could. Because we had to come to this conclusion several months ago, it seems odd that it is just getting here now. I have kinda already gone through the disappointment of not being in MI, and now its actually here. . .and I will not be seeing my parents, my brother, my sisters, my cousins. /sigh. God is good.
That brings up more frustrations. Family Christmas just got canceled. I better not blog about it. . . . . .It might be too touchy; but it hurt.
Let me segue from that into something else touchy. Debate and personal feelings. When debating about Scripture, and therefore absolute truth, we are not talking about what hurts your feelings. Just because the Bible teaches election and you are offended because now God is not fair in your eyes, or because now you feel a sense of robotics affecting you. It does not matter how you feel one bit. What matters is truth. So what if you think that God is too loving to not save the "good" [insert denomination here]. Does that matter one bit? I have been in discussions with people where it becomes personal too fast and their view is dictated on their experience. At MBBC, I said something (don't even remember what, sorry) and some kid got very upset (he was the emotional type) because his dad was a pastor and what I said disagreed with something his dad did. It was an immediate abandoning of the Scripture presented. We had to stop the discussion because he was too caught up in it. I didn't understand it.
Obviously, there are things that are hard to discuss. There are things that are hard to deal with, and proper timing is important. But really, I think we are fools if we think we can discuss things without them affecting our lives. It matters where we put our trust. Is our trust in these people? Our dad? Our mom? Our pastor? Our college professor? Our husband? Our wife? If we put our trust in these people, we will be in turmoil if it can be shown that they are wrong. It will destroy our erroneous world view. If our worldview rests on the notion of someone or something being correct and that is not the Scripture, then we are foolish.
Too often however, we think we are resting on Scripture and instead are resting on Scripture plus that other something. I am not talking about our faith, but about what we know of life, and our worldview. It is not enough for me to rest on Scripture and my parents, so why would I do so, or be inclined to do so? (I am not, fyi.) Here is why people feel inclined that way. Well, there may be more than one reason. Here is one.
"In ignorance, people idolize the intelligent." (Yes, once I started that sentence I realized what a point could be made, and would be by many attempting to be neat, when in fact it truly seems lousy to me. I only finished it to be able to point out that hearing stuff like that in a sermon makes me just wish that he would "preach the word.") People look up to their parents and pastor because they have learned all they know from them. These people are like sponges. (By the way, a sponge lacks discernment.) They sit in front of their dad and are wrongfully in awe. They sit in class with their mouths hanging open at the professor's supposed genius. They, like hungry puppies, follow the pastor around the church snatching at every scrap. So, yes, they place undo importance on their teachers. (I shouldn't have to put this disclaimer here, but I do anyway...(that itself bothers me in church, when pastors have to put disclaimers on stuff. . .sad day we are living in.)So, here is the actual disclaimer: I am not saying we shouldn't respect our parents, pastors, professors. Indeed, we owe them much because they have given their time and their knowledge to help us grow. But we are not to come to depend on them. We are to grow, and mature so that we no longer need them in for our every move, but rather as counselors. And the wise will make use of his counselors.)
Well, I have strayed from the path, but in this case, the path was not absolute, and so no harm was done. One of my friends in seminary shared some of his notes with me. It was great to read them. Made me miss it. I often do, when I read the issues of deep doctrine. Some people do not need to know. Others do not want to know. I crave it.
On that note, I have been reminded often lately of how we are all to crave it. We are to crave God's Word. I'm not saying we should all love to try to figure out what logical order there was to four of God's decrees (creation, fall, salvation, election). No, not for everyone, but we should all desire the sincere milk of the Word that we may grow thereby. It is a huge encouragement to me when I read, or hear others talking about Scripture. When I see application of it. I see it in my life, and it helps seeing it in others. Not to say I'm perfect, or anywhere near it. There are just some things I do because I should.
Continuing, it is interesting to see how my generation has turned out. Some I talk to and hear about God working in their lives. I see and hear the struggles they are going through, and the blessings they encounter. Others, I know little. It is when you know little that the mind can be most dangerous. Of those that I know little, I generally, being the cynic I am, do not think good without reason. It doesn't necessarily mean I think bad, BUT its much easier to get a reason to think bad. I have to be careful.
I am looking at getting my teaching certificate. I have to take some general knowledge test where I have to answer questions and write an essay. Then I have to take some Math test to be able to teach math 6th-12th. I'm guessing it isn't too hard. The only cost I've seen so far is fingerprinting, which I have already done, so that's good. But, I will probably have to pay something when it is actually time to take the tests.
I won KOTOR twice. Once as dark, once as light. Dark was more fun. I found a cheating mod where I could edit my gear, stats, skills, feats, powers, etc. Made the second game a bit easier, but also it may have made it boring...or that could have been me playing the same thing I had a week back. I've been thinking of getting Kingdom hearts 2, mostly because I was wanting a game. That kinda died though. A game doesn't sound too appealing right now. Maybe I just need a better game. I heard assassin's creed was pretty good. I haven't played any of the neverwinter night, oblivion, elder scrolls stuff. (I don't even know if those are the same games, or related or what.) We were really thinking of getting an xbox/wii for christmas. That was when we thought we could afford something more.
I really want to get a piano. Kaylynn would like to play, and I would like to hear her. I also have been wishing for a musical instrument lately, and if we have to buy one, it might as well be something we can both play (at least a little for me).
I have been thinking of writing a book again. Yes, I do that regularly. This time, I kept thinking about it and thinking about it. Finally, a story came to me. Then I get online to see what money we might be talking about. Probably a penny an hour. Writers don't get much, unless they sell huge. Harry Potter, and Twilight made those ladies rich. I can't write to a crowd that I can't really appreciate though. And I can't appreciate twilight, and the writing of HP just seemed childish (well, duh! It was for kids).
Anyway, most writers get paid twice a year. From what I saw, it might be reasonable to expect $1 a book for every hardcover book that sells. And it might be reasonable to expect $.40 for every softcover. If I want to live on that, I'm going to have to sell a LOT of books. Of course, there are billions of people and if only 60,000 want my book, I could live with that. HA! Anyway, I know I don't have what Tolkien had. I don't have what Jordan had. I don't think I even have close to Rothfuss. I don't know about Martin. Could never make it through the beginning of his series.
The other problem I have is knowledge base. Rothfuss said in one of his early interviews that he has read around 10,000 novels. I was not an English major, nor did I teach English, nor work with literature for a living. I have read WoT, NotW, and LotR. Go me? I think not. I've read more I'm sure, but not in the non-sci-fi fantasy genre. Every bookstore and library has shelf after shelf of fantasy. I don't even know where to start for fear of being disappointed. I'm not going to pay $8 to read something that I'm going to regret. That's why I wait for Matt to tell me to read something.
Regardless, it has been an outlet for my mind the last two days to continue to build this story. To work around the pitfalls. I try to think of what I would want to happen were I reading the book, then I plan conflict before that can happen. I don't like the way things work out luckily. But I want the protagonist to get the break he needs. Kvothe met Abenthy early on, but that was not considered too lucky since the conflict had not yet begun. Further, the next noticable break that he gets (that I recall) is when his loot gets broken and he gets a lot of money from Ambrose. Anyway, I am working on some stuff.
I need to go, this has been long and my wife has been far too patient. Since it is unlikely I will blog again, Merry Christmas to all, and a Ho Ho Ho!!
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