three wishes

Well, it is summer. I haven't blogged since March. "Blogged" is a verb. The lack of blogs is not for lack of material, but rather for busyness of schedule and prioritizing on my part.

So much stuff has happened...I think I will skip the recap.

I was at graduation where the graduating class was challenged to "Try to Fail." Yeah, you read that right. So, while I still listened and was happy when I realized this would not be a long speech, I started to think about some other things. The speaker mentioned greatness, and trying things, and other stuff, and something he said triggered a line of thought for me.

It was something along the path of what three things would I wish for from this next year. Surprisingly, it did not take me long to come up with them.

I want to be closer to the Lord than I ever have been. I was asked once if I really wanted something or if I was just trying because someone else wanted me to. My response was that I want to want to. I want to desire God more than I have. I want to say with the Psalmist that my soul pants after God. We sing it and say it, but I want it to be the true inward desire and longing of my heart to know Christ. And so, as this school year comes to a close, and summer break is upon me, I hope to grow closer to the Lord.

Secondly, and just as quick to my mind was that I want to grow closer to my wife than I have ever been. As with the previous, these seem like things that are just expected to happen as time progresses, but it doesn't work that way. It is not a passive thing that makes a relationship just grow stronger. It takes work and effort, and this is what I want. I realize more and more that relationships are what matter. I have stuff, and I am grateful for it. I have lots I can go do, and again, I'm thankful for it. But really, that doesn't matter so much as relationships. And, so, the most important one is that with my wife.

She is amazing. There really aren't enough words to describe how great she is, or how much I need her. She helps me in so many ways. She is a blessing, and truly a help that is meet for me. She keeps me going, helps me see when I'm wrong, and teaches me traits that I do not have. I love her dearly, and I want to love her more.

My last goal/wish as it were is to be wiser than I have ever been. I don't know how wisdom works really. It doesn't seem measurable necessarily. I don't know if it runs out. If I have wisdom now, can a wise man become a fool? Can a fool become wise and then go back to being a fool? Did God give Solomon his wisdom all at once or did he give him wisdom in each situation that it was needed? It seems to me from recalling passages that Solomon was not given some wisdom every time. He was wise. People came from all over to see his wisdom. This one, is probably the easiest considering the first one. If I am getting closer to the Lord than I am spending time in prayer and if I am spending time in prayer, then I can pray for lots of wisdom.

A passage I like a lot, and have for a few years now is James 1. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." Wisdom is ours to have. I think some people envy Solomon thinking he got wisdom just because he asked for it. But we have the same privilege and opportunity. Ask in faith and we get wisdom. It is great!

Being a dad is great. Arielle is fantastic, and she is well behaved. People say things like "Just wait till she turns 2" or "Well, yeah, boys are worse; wait till you have a boy." Bleah! I understand that some babies aren't as well behaved, BUT the difference is not just due to boys and girls. And at the age of two, Arielle will still be well behaved. (I say that and have yet to see it proved; at the same time, if I am right people will say stuff like there is just something different or we are just "lucky") Anyway, she is adorable, and we are blessed to have her.

I finished my masters work, and now have an MA in Biblical Studies. Apparently a Masters in anything is supposed to be a huge resume boost. At the moment I don't need to worry about that though. I am glad to have that out of the way. It feels great to have it finished. I want another one. I want two more, or three. But I don't have the time or the money. It is a commitment. Part of me doesn't understand how big a deal this is. It wasn't a big deal at the time. I moved from high school to college to my masters work and it wasn't any different. It wasn't harder or more exerting. Now I have it, and people are seeing a big deal in it. Then I think about trying another one and I realize more of the big deal. I don't see how. Some people at MBBC with me were there in their 8th year or so. Taking a tiny bit at a time to eventually get to their MA. Look at others who spent their entire life thus far (into their 30s) getting a ThM. Because of the type of MA in the field of Bible, I would need another Masters before I could even pursue a PhD. And I have considered another Masters. If I moved somewhere and worked hard, I could (feasibly) do it in two years. The PhD would be another 3-4 after that. Since it is not this year, I already have my contract, that would mean that Arielle would be 7 before her dad was done with school...really, that doesn't sound terribly bad. That would be very hard on my wife though. I don't know how I am supposed to work and do school either. No, I do understand. I've heard stories and others have done it. It is possible. Is it something I need though? Is it something God wants me to do? Is it something I just want?

Well, that is something I will be praying about. I can probably get a loan or lots of loans, and make it through. This year has, for many reasons, caused me to consider what work I want to do. What do I enjoy? Where can I use my talents? How can I find a job that is right for me? These things are still questions that I ask. I don't know what I want to do. I do know, which I didn't even after most of this year, that I enjoy teaching. What it is exactly that I enjoy, I am unsure about. Is it the instruction? Is it the kids that I have come to care about? Is it the math, or the teaching of life lessons when they come and ask personal questions about their future? I don't know. Maybe some of all of it...

I like the Bible, but as someone is very fond of pointing out to me, all Christians should like the Bible. I like to talk Bible stories and doctrine, but shouldn't all Christians? I like to teach Bible, but would it be worse for me to have to teach Bible in some place where I had weird and odd restrictions than to teach something like I am now? What is my dream job?

I might have an opportunity to be teaching Bible Doctrines at the Institute at the church. It just started this year, but Pastor would eventually like to get it accredited. That would be great. It would be even more great if I can actually teach this fall. It isn't settled yet. I was asked if I would teach through the summer, but had to decline due to going to MI.

We will be leaving Sat. I am excited. I am unsure how I will be spending my time out there. I would like to go canoeing. I think that would be cool. But, grandma would have to take care of a lot of kids for that to happen.

I spend most my free time here playing games, and reading. I finished Elantris back a little bit ago. I think it was Brandon Sanderson's first. I read his Warbreaker last June. My wife actually finished it before me. I am so proud of her for reading a fantasy novel. Then we bought the Mistborn series. I finished the first one a few days ago. So I have two more to read this summer, but I'm not as hooked at this point. They weren't meant as a trilogy. I think he wrote the first one as a stand alone novel. It was easy to pick up the story, but now I have yet to determine what the main point of this book is. Maybe in a few more chapters?

The official post from Pat Rothfuss is that the book will be done in Sept, and therefore on the shelf in Mar. I remember last year, 2009 that I blogged and spoke of my disappointment because I expected it on Jenn's birthday of 2009. Oh well, I'm enjoying Brandon Sanderson for now.

I should probably work on my book some more. I have more theory I need to work on. It has been a while since I wrote anything related to my book, and the only thing I wrote at all was the last short story I posted here. That would probably be a good use of my time.

Oh, I got an A in my last class. My GPA was 3.7; I'm satisfied with that.

I want to start something else. It is funny; school has been out for only a couple days and I am done with my MA, and I suddenly feel like I have nothing to do. Of course, there is always more to do. I should spend more time blogging, and perhaps trying to get something published. Maybe writing up something expertly. Perhaps I should try to use Calvin's library while I am out there...it will never happen.

Maybe I should get involved in some cause. Like the RE:Fundamentalism site that just went up. I know little about it, just know that its there.

Oh, and I think its Interesting that Central Seminary, and Faith are merging parts of their schools together. I find it very...intriguing. I don't know that I could be on staff at any Bible college. I'm not the Bible college type of guy. I don't work well with all the "pointless" rules.

Anyway, I need to go play Blokus. I have never played and really want to win, so goodnight. Hopefully I will blog later.

Oh, I heard Munchkins was a good game, and also Settlers of Katan. I think we need to get this game for MI. I might buy it...bye.

stuff learned

Every now and then God opens our eyes or shows us something we haven't seen before. It is an amazing thing that happens far too rarely (for me). It changes the way we think and the way we act, at least for a while. I remember only a few times where I was strongly impacted in that way. I assume that part of it was that I was closer to God at that time than I was at others, though that isn't fact, just conjecture. One particular time, it changed my view of things, it changed my actions. It was great. And even though it was something I knew in my head before, and still do now, the impact it had has dwindled. Maybe that is the norm; it is for me. It is daily work and reminding myself of these truths so that I do them, rather than them constantly so impressing me that I can't help but do otherwise. The latter is easier, and more delightful; but right is right no matter what.

Anyway, I have learned to listen to others when they have those moments. When someone tells me something that has hit them, I try to hold onto it for as long as I can. It isn't often that happens. There really are few people that really talk to me about their devotions, or what God has shown them. Maybe we just find talking about that stuff too preachy. Maybe we aren't consistent enough to talk about it. Maybe we didn't read out Bibles that day.

Note: Grandma is always reading something. And it is an encouragement and prodding for me to make sure I'm reading something. When we see each other, there isn't really talk about the weather and that nonsense. Grandma expects conversation; and I do to. I think I should be able to hold a conversation on these things. We need to have enough to talk about. We need to have stimuli in our lives that force us to think outside our norm. We need articles, or books, or papers, or others that drive us to investigate our own thoughts, or their thoughts. We can't allow ourselves to be content in what we are thinking or have thought. Think new thoughts. (And on that note, stop watching TV. I have been watching some shows, but I am getting more and more frustrated with it again. My time is precious to me. I don't see my wife and daughter enough anyway, and TV is the most logical thing to cut. It does nothing for me. It has/can/does waste hours of my time. I recall talking to others who are so busy they don't really watch TV. Good for them. I am getting there. I'm not condemning it all, just saying that I think it is on too much in the average "Christian" household.) Let me repeat, think new thoughts for you. (Not new as in unorthodox, but do an indepth study on something you never have. When you are reading and you come to that passage you don't really get, instead of saying "Oh, well, I don't have to preach on it so its ok." Remind yourself you might need to explain it fully and correctly to your child some day. Maybe that will help; and yeah, you could fake it to your kid...but is that something you want be doing?

Back on track. I'll wait while you jump back above the "Note" and read the short paragraph again. . .I wish others talked more about their devotions, but then I realize I don't even do it much. I can't ask others to do something I can't even get myself. But, I think it is an integral part of exhortation, and encouragement. Let's talk about the things of God, when we rise up, when we go about our day, when we eat, when we lie down. (I am still trying to figure out an aesthetically appropriate way to hang a half dozen verses on our walls. We don't have frames, and I'm not about to spend a lot to do it...but for some reason I think my wife would be opposed to taping sheets of paper on the walls. ;))

Part of the reason I blog is to be able to record those things that hit me, so that I can recall them again and again. Part of the reason is that I hope they can help others. I am encouraged when I hear others talking/posting about it. I want to help if I can. If not, meh. I'm not preaching. But when I see that God has given something to someone I want it. And I want to share when I get it.

Lately, I've been considering something. This isn't one of those great spiritual truths; it is something quite obvious actually, but I figured I would share anyway.

Time. Everything takes time. It takes time to lose weight. It takes time to build muscle. It takes time to build a relationship. It takes time to build trust. It takes time to get a good grade. It takes time. Things take time. The more important a matter is, the more time it seems to take to get to the point you would like it to be at. I was contemplating this and begrudging the fact when someone pointed out to be that greater effort reduces the time. And this too I believe is true.

If I cut more calories our of my diet (in a smart way) than I will lose fat faster. If I ensure I work the muscle to the fullest, concentrating on it and spending twice as much time doing varied exercises it will accomplish more faster than if I did one exercise half-heartedly. If I work hard on a relationship, than it will grow stronger faster than if I spend the minimum amount of time on it.

The conviction part, is that I want a better, deeper relationship with God, and I look at the time I spend and its pitiful. I find time to do a lot of things, with less effort than doing the best I can at a few things. Though, some of those are necessary, some aren't. And it would probably be best if I could concentrate more fully on the stuff I need to.

Well, short blog tonight, but I don't usually blog on Thursdays anyway. Good night, good weekend, and happy spring break!

generosity, family, and my selfishness

P. S. I wrote a short story which I posted in the previous blog if you are just arriving after a short time. That "P" stands for Pre, not Post this time.



My parents have always been generous. Mom would be giving away bread and brownies and we would be complaining about it. But we gave things away. My parents didn't advertise when they were doing it. It would be conversations I overheard about someone else they gave money too, etc.

When I started my first job, delivering papers, I think I was generous. At the time I thought I was generous too. I would buy myself and siblings slushies from the Dairy Delight after my route was over. Not every day, but I do recall buying them on multiple occasions. I would buy pizzas for the house.

Then, I started getting selfish. I know part of it started from my disgust with indecision and people lying about stuff. For example, "Which piece do you want?" "I don't care." Really? We all want that piece right there which is the biggest one, and no one wants the corner piece which is half the size of the other ones. Anyway, I started taking the biggest piece every time. People were hesitant about going first, so I went first. I was tired of wasting time, and tired of pretending. Really, I was being selfish. My brother knew it. He kept pointing it out and it upset him. I'm sorry Mike, you were right.

SWCCG was great, but after I realized there were not just 4 of us that owned cards, my junk cards obtained value. I would feign connection and conflict about trading something that was really completely worthless to me because someone else did see value in it. I quote the verse "It is naught, it is naught, saith the buyer: but when he is gone his way, then he boasteth." That was me. I knew that was me. I was proud of it. I would pretend and pretend and go away bragging. I was only beginning to see value in my worthless stuff.

WoW started and every piece of junk became useful. Anything dumb and worthless could be sold to the right person for profit. I began to correlate to real life. The principle of the money I made at the auction with stupid stuff should translate to real life. People buy stupid stuff. The problem with suddenly seeing value, was that coupled with my selfishness, I didn't want to give anything away. I had a hard time giving things away in WoW where it didn't matter, let alone in real life where it did. There was no reason for me to give anything away. I could sell it on ebay. I could barter it. Then, I distinctly remember someone giving me a video card. Just like that. Video cards are expensive. A new one, could be hundreds of dollars; a older used one, sure, maybe he could have only made $20, but that was $20.

He had a new one, and so he gave me his old one. The whole incident wasn't really new. I had grown up wearing clothes from many different cousins and uncles. But this one shocked me. Obviously; I remember it still. He just gave it to me.

I had to start telling myself to be generous. I have also had to remind myself that generosity is not just a matter of giving money away to people. It can be found in other ways.

We were extremely blessed at our wedding. People that I didn't give a single thing to gave large amounts to us. Part of that of course is that I was still under my parents house and they gave, but now I'm growing up.

Now I have a house of my own; completely furnished by people who gave to us. They gave us everything we have. Just recently, are there things in our living room that were not given us: my PC-- which I've had for years, and our new piano. We have been so abundantly blessed. But even as I experienced this, I was not thinking this was normal. People are more generous when called together and when the need is obvious and presented. (Yes, I know I'm cynical.) But that isn't it at all. And I am ashamed that I thought that way about my family's generosity. They are just generous.

See, part of my cynicism comes from the fact that I know the heart is deceitful and wicked. I know that people are selfish beings. These are facts, and so me seeing a generous act or person contradicts the facts and I see an exception, not a child of God. Again, shame on me.

We are blessed so far above what we could ever think. I was prepared to live with no TV. I was prepared to sleep on an air mattress for a year (or longer). I was prepared for all this stuff. God blessed through generous people.

Recently, because of our tax refund we were able to get a piano. I found a power cord for our laptop that stopped working within a couple months of being down here. It was only $10, so now we have our laptop back. We were given a giant TV. GIANT. Also, due to our tax refund, and some ebay bidding, there is a PS3 arriving Tuesday.

On top of all that, God worked so that we haven't paid a single bill from the hospital. That was our biggest worry. We were paying the doctor's visits fine. We really didn't/don't have $8000, or anything like it.

Its still hard for me to accept generosity from others sometimes. "Thank you" seems so inadequate, and yet there is nothing else I can really do.

In conclusion, God is good! Praise the Lord for his goodness!! And thank you to all my family and friends who have been generous and who have taught me how to be generous in return.


Part 2. Title: Sin and America

I was having a conversation on the way home from church, and we were discussing socialism, and capitalism, and economies and such. It was not in great detail, just some stuff. Then, we were discussing where we might feel comfortable moving. But it came up about all the sin in some other places in the world. As we discussed, we talked about the sin in America as well. But, as we discussed I continued to think about it. Yes, America is horrible. America is going down the wrong path. We are fighting tooth and nail to keep sin out and away. To keep it in the dark and private, rather than out in the open and light. I don't know about other countries on certain issues, or on what they fight against; I do know that America is not the worst of it. Other countries are worse.

I used to mock the liberals for saying dumb stuff like "I'm moving if . . ." Really, forget the economic system, or military might, but from a clearly moral standpoint, isn't America still near the top? Maybe not right on top, but that's hard to say.

And then a continuing solemn thought, if America is near the top and we are this bad, certainly this world does not have long to go. We can find quotes of people describing the wickedness of America in the 1930s and how it was like Noah's day. It has worsened. If this is America. . .why do we cling to this world like the lost?

Why do we want to stay? Why do we find enjoyment in this filth ridden world? Why are we close enough to the world to try to find joy in it? We get so close that we forget joy only comes from God. We look for it in our friends and in our things and in our games and our recreation. BAH! Shame on us.

Our joy comes from God. "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice."

We should feel disgusted with this world. We should just be ready to go home. Its like when you are out all day...or even for a few days, and you are "ok" but you just want to go home. You are ready. And yes, mom or dad say you have to stay for a bit longer. Or you need to wait for the bride and groom to cut the cake. And you really just can't wait to get home. That should be us...when can we go home?

Even so come Lord Jesus.

a short story

Ok, I'm pausing the streamlining thing. I recently was asked if I wanted to join this writing email club thingy where we write short stories or excerpts and send them around to the others to get ideas and critiques etc. Well, I hadn't written anything fictional/fantasy since maybe a dragon and knight story back in my early teens. I have written papers, just not stories. I decided I would give it a shot since I'm working on a plot, and it would not be good to have a plot and then find out I can't actually write. I wrote a story and sent it out, but haven't heard back on it yet, which is understandable, but I'm impatient and so I'm posting it here too. Some of you will not like it. Some of you will wonder at my PoV. Fine. Those are the comments I'm looking for. I really just want someone to say something about it. If it stinks, tell me. If you liked it, tell me why, if not, why? So, without any more ado, I give you my short short story (only a little over 4 pages).



Elrich trudged through the marsh. The small radius of light emanating from his torch served only to keep the swarms of marsh flies from enveloping his sight. He had been bitten the first day; he had known there would be no return at the outset. He had been brave for his wife’s sake. He had been courageous for his country’s sake. He would bring peace to them.

The war had ravaged the land beyond hope of repair. Perhaps, his yet unborn child would see fruit once again– only if he succeeded in his current task.

The Grakesh had attacked without warning, driving the nations into panic. They had descended from the mountains, and swept through the scattered villages. Besieged castles fell, and all thoughts of survival dwindled. As the refugees gathered at the ancient temple of their gods, the remaining armies clashed with futile efforts.

It was at this forsaken moment that a Grakesh general, Taopold, first spoke to the nations’ armies. He bid them send a message to the Circle of the Aged. He spoke of a strange disease of the plains that had run rampant through the Grakesh camps and ravaged his people. He wished them to send an ambassador to what he called the Council of the Sun, the Grakesh leaders. His people were proud he said. They could not be seen to offer peace, but if peace were offered to them, they could accept. They would accept. The Grakesh were in dire straights and if this war did not end, they would all die. From their safety in the ancient temple the Circle feigned strength. They spoke of needing time to discuss this request.

However, the Circle did not deliberate long on the news. Their prayer had been answered, and it was with all haste that they searched out the envoy to send – someone with strength remaining, they could not seem weak; someone with a reason to end the war, someone willing to sacrifice for something he found dear.

Of course, Elrich had been the perfect candidate. They had approached him appealing to his sense of duty, his sense of honor, his courage, and the future his unborn child could expect if no one answered this call. His heart told him to let someone else give his life– he would spend his last days, few as they might be with his wife; he would feel her embrace each night. He would see the birth of his child; he would hear his child’s cry. He would defend them with his last breath, and they would die together.

His mind told him he must go. He knew the moment he heard the rise of commotion and the scattered whispers that they were coming for him. The offer from the Grakesh, and the notice of the search for a representative had spread like fire through the camps. He prayed that others would volunteer; he prayed that the council would accept; he knew it would not be.

Hope had sprung to life again in those that had settled their account with death. People were looking for life, and in their search they became far more prudent and patient then they had in the waging of the war. Had the council displayed true leadership at that time, perhaps the war would not have turned this way. The faithful soldier that he was, he had obeyed his mind and duty once again. Always reasoning, and never allowing his heart to guide him. He would forsake what he wanted most to provide that which others desired less. He would bring peace for all, and lose his family for it.

He had set out with a dozen of the imperial guard. Prior to the war, a dozen would have seemed a mere insult, but now, in this hour, a dozen seemed extravagant. The refugees lined the caverns as they proceeded to the exit— people crying, people praying, people thanking.

They had crossed into the mountains on their fourth day. They did not know this terrain and so were forced to rely upon the map provided by the Grakesh. Despite his initial hesitation the Grakesh map proved incredibly detailed and accurate. His father having been a cartographer, he found great appreciation for these intricacies. With the map, they progressed quickly. As they reached the mountain’s peak, half of the guard returned to inform the council of their progress. Ideally, they would be arriving within a few days. By that time, the treaty would be sealed.

As the mountain pass began to flatten, the black marsh lay before them. The bite of the marsh fly meant death – usually within the week. It was not a painful death; though it did create a gradual dulling of the senses. Though his guard had sworn to protect and follow till the end, they had hinted at their ploys from the beginning. They spoke of being prepared for all possibilities. What if the Grakesh had set a trap? What if the plan did not go accordingly? Should seven of the most courageous warriors die when only one was needed? He did not know if they would have kept their oath, had he not released them from it. They feigned sorrow, refusing to deny his release – at first. Then they left him alone. He alone would bring peace.

The marsh was drying now. The stony ground ahead bit into his feet. The marsh had worn his boots into nothing more than a thin covering. With the glint of sunlight streaming through the thick fog, Elrich discarded his torch: a bit of nature and life for him to experience before his despairing end. He paused only a moment to remember what he was losing, but then cleared his mind and continued ahead. According to the Grakesh general the Council of the Sun lay only two miles ahead.

Elrich plodded on. He would not allow the poison of the marsh fly to dull him any more than necessary before he approached this Council. He now represented all the nations before this invading army and he would fulfill his duty as it lay before him. He attempted to brush the grime from his traveler’s clothes, and straightened his back. He would bring peace to the land.

Grakesh guards appeared sooner than he had expected, but he was pleased for the sign of life. They came from the rocks, and escorted him closely. He fell-in between them. His body had begun to feel weak, and it was a small comfort to march in step again. He understood that their duty was twofold: to protect him and to protect others from him. He was not surprised, nor was he worried. He was not there to fight. He would bring peace.

The council was not what he had expected. He was lead up a short mountain pass into an open cave mouth. Twelve Grakesh warriors stood in a semi circle looking out over the dark land. He stood straight and strong before them. They appeared hardened, but he was prepared, and so he spoke,

“I have come to offer peace. Our peoples have battled valiantly. We have lost, and you have lost. We desire peace, and so I come to offer to you.”

Their faces gave no response, and so Erlich waited. He was a soldier, and he would remain calm awaiting their response. After a moment, what appeared to be an elderly Grakesh spoke,

“We hear you, and we acknowledge your offer of peace. We desire that our peoples coexist. Our peoples have been plagued, and our seers told us of only one way to be cured. We must find the temple of an ancient god and bring before him our gifts. We seek your help in finding aid. Will you lend this help in exchange for peace?”

Elrich allowed himself only an inward sigh. His body felt heavy, and his mind had begun to slow, but he had forced himself to grip reality until he had brought peace. Now, only a few moments away, and his child would be forever safe from the tragedies of this war. He spoke,

“I do know of this temple, and if you will provide the materials I will draw a map where your people may be healed.”

He thought he had seen the slightest glimmer of satisfaction cross the face of the Grakesh, but it was gone in a moment and he was beginning to doubt his senses. It was nothing. He was bringing peace.

They laid the materials before him, and he forced himself to clear his mind. He represented the nations and so his map would be as detailed as theirs had been. He designated every landmark and noted every danger. His father had taught him well. This map would have impressed the most ardent cartographers. He had done it; he had brought peace. He laid the map before them,

“I do lay this map before you as a sign of peace between our– “

As he spoke, he saw a blade come through his chest, and he sank to the ground. He panted and began to choke. Though his mind was struggling to cling to reality, he heard voices,

“Get this map to Taopold and tell him to attack immediately. They are weak and ready to be exterminated.”

“Did we get the second six that had returned?”

“Yes. They were quick to die. If they were among the best these weak nations has to offer, it should be over within a week.”

Elrich wondered what it meant. He wondered why he could now only see the ceiling of this dark cave. What of his wife, and child? His child would grow to hear of his heroism. He would eventually understand why his father was not there for him. He would understand duty and honor. His child would grow, see the sun, taste fruit, marry and have children.

He had brought peace.

More

Many things to think about right now.

I have been considering Acts 19:1-7 in great detail lately. I have several commentators and references on the floor by my desk. I have spoken to several people. I need to write a paper for my class and this is my topic. I intend to talk more about it later after I have written it so that I can offer my conclusive thoughts rather than something that perchance may change. I have changed my mind a couple times on this already. ;)

I have been introduced to an alternative to both Dispensational and Covenant Theology. I haven't had too much time to read into it yet. It is Promise Theology. So far, I'm not terribly impressed or disappointed. (Does the adverb "terribly" apply to both impressed and disappointed in the previous sentence with the current grammar? Or do I need to retype "terribly" so that it is understood that I am not "terribly" disappointed, but that I can still be minimally irked? Am I incorrectly using quotation marks in the previous two sentences? Won't some English teacher explain it to me?)

I spoke to someone who offered an interesting perspective on what it really means to "believe God." Abraham believed God. That was enough. Though it was interesting, it was not correct. There was too much logic and theological perspective rather than Biblical theology.

I have been debating, internally, what makes a good/effective teacher. Much to think about there. I don't know that I am a good teacher. People tell me I am. My boss tells all of us collectively that each of us is great at what we do. I don't know if that is so much an individual encouragement or her way of telling the every other person that the people sitting next to them DO know what they are doing contrary to what you may believe. /shrug So, what makes a good teacher? Is it the person that connects to the outlying kid, and gets him to partake and interact? Is it the person that connects, in a less personal way, to every person in his classroom? Is it the person whose kids leave his room having mastered completely the subject area, though they hate the teacher? At what point is the teacher to connect on an individual level? At what point does a teacher bend on the course material? The answer on that must be the curriculum designated by the state that the class must cover, but really, who honestly knows that curriculum perfectly (perhaps besides AP teachers)? Who knows what a state official would say is permissible to skip? Really, as objective a profession as this should be, it seems too subjective to me.

Of course, then I begin to think that a logical occupation would probably be one involving law. But really, can anything get more objective than Math? Law can be subjective, math cannot. There is a correct answer and an incorrect answer. Often, though probably not ontologically, Theology seems more subjective than Math. Theology is my passion more than Math. Math is fun. And I find myself telling the kids that. "This is a fun part." "This stuff is fun to do." etc.

But theology is better than "fun." It is fun, but it is life changing. It is glorious. It is amazing. And then I hear a friend's voice telling me that all Christians are to love God's Word. Theology -- the study of God -- is to be precious to all His children.

On my "future intentions" sheet I selected that I was planning on teaching another year, Lord willing. We shall see what God has for me in the future. As this school year started, I had high hopes that I would end up in Washington at the end of 2010. This was not a dream in the sky, but actual possibility. I'm sure its gone. Things change and plans move, and God closes and opens doors.

God is good. No matter what we encounter; no matter what our trials; no matter our tribulations; no matter our circumstances; no matter whether or not we believe it or accept it; no matter the calamity in the world; no matter the economy; no matter the ruination of all America; God is good. We forget this. This is fact. People tend to think that if God allows them tribulation He isn't good anymore. Or if God really does hate sin, He can't be good then. If God intends to send sinners to Hell, He can't be good. This is from faulty theological logic. Biblical Theology says God is good. It also says that trials come into our lives. It says that God hates sin, and that sinners go to Hell. /sarcastic-gasp! God is good. Accept it. Believe it. Live it -- thank Him for his goodness. We have too much to be grateful for. I am spoiled enough to have a pitcher that filters my water for me. Really? People all over the world that would love to have running water like we have, and then we have pitchers that further filter it. (I have a sneaky suspicion that the water is just better from the pitcher because we put it in the fridge and it gets cold. Cold water is better, am I right?) I am tired of people assuming that theological, historical, or experiential truths proof God is not good, or rather that the fact is no longer fact. These aren't just the lost apostates. These are believers. Shame on you! Let the Bible dictate your system, and not the other way around.

We have revival services at church this week. We will have to leave immediately after I get home. The church is doing meals at 5:30 each day, but since I volunteered for the babysitting job, we will instead be rushing just to make the service. The evangelist is good though. Good preaching today; good preaching the last few weeks.

We ordered a digital piano. I used to play a little and I want to play again. My wife plays and I want her to be able to keep playing. I want Arielle to hear the piano as she grows up. I want her to learn to play it. I was recommended one from someone at school. We had considered buying an acoustic piano, but really, how many of you wanted to come help us move that up our stairs on some Saturday? Or maybe the question is, did we really want to have you at our place on a Sat? Ha! Just kidding. With everyone's schedules, it just seems hard to ask people to come by for something as simple as moving a piano up a flight of stairs.

It seems to me that favors were more common, and thus easier to ask for back before I was born. I would be happy to help people move stuff. I don't get asked. Maybe people still do this type of thing a lot; maybe it just has to do with the circle of friends you are in. I don't have a circle of friends like that. My close friends are spread around with a few here, and a few there. If we were all in the same town, I have no doubt I would have no problem getting them to my house to move a piano. Anyway, there was a bonus commentary on me.

We stopped by a music shop so Kaylynn could actually play the piano we were looking at. It was $50 more in the shop, and we had free shipping so we just ordered online. I am excited for it to get here.

Yes, we could have bought a Playstation 3 and pre-ordered FFXIII, but a piano is the more mature decision. This should not be misunderstood that I did not want the piano. I did. We are still thinking about a PS3 or an XBOX-360. I don't know. Its so much. But I know so many people who are going to be playing FFXIII. I would love to be one of them. When the last one came out, I had it in hand on release day. I waited a few days to play it when I went home on Thanksgiving break to play it with my siblings. It is one of the few games I try to keep with. I got behind on Metroid, Zelda, and Ninja Gaiden. No hope on catching up on those -- maybe Ninja Gaiden if I go Xbox.

A PS3 is the better machine. An XBOX I can play online, play Halo, and get Ninja Gaiden black. FFXIII comes out on either machine. Overall, I know inside that the PS3 is better, and yet I feel myself drawn to the Xbox. Of course, then I would be bugged to play COD -- Call of Duty, for those of you that don't sit with kids who talk about it all the time -- and that means the yearly subscription for $50. Either system, I need a second controller, for another $50. Games are about the same for either one. And really, even though I would probably get the new street fighter, who would I play it with? =( I wonder if my gaming life is coming to an end. Or, is it past coming to an end and its just ending now? /shrug

The thing is, that I often find myself looking for a game. In the past few months, I have played, won multiple times, and hacked KOTOR, and LoM2. Played Facebook games extensively, and then gave them up; started travian. Slow game by the way. Still waiting for book two in the King Killer Chronicles. I'm beginning to think the WoT series may finish before we get a book two. Go Sanderson! (~82% of the next book done. Each % representing 3,000 words.)

I was invited to a writing group. I'm started working on a short story and found I can't write. Phooey on me. I'm going to keep working on it. I would like to write a book, and that means I better be able to write a short story. My problem tends to be in the writing, not the plot. I can figure out an "ok" plot, at least in my opinion.

I recommended a movie with little qualification to someone to whom I definitely should have added qualification. For whatever reason I didn't. If I would have thought about it, I would have know she would not have liked the movie, yet I recommended it anyway...sorry mom; I'll be more careful next time.

Having a baby is great. Isaac always told me it was. It was just one of his things. He would say, "It is great! I can't describe it. It is the best thing ever. She's just the best." Every time I would see him he would tell me this. He advised we don't wait to have kids because they are just the best. She is. Arielle is just that -- great, perfect, adorable. She makes me speechless.

And while I had my suspicions, it is now confirmed that my great wife is also a great mother. She is fantastic. God has blessed me greatly, and I am very grateful. While I'm bragging, let me add that Arielle doesn't cry unless there is something very wrong. And usually, that is a just a whimper. She is so good. I don't know...if I didn't know the theological implications, I might assume that she didn't have a sin nature. Somehow it must have missed her. Just kidding... ;)

streamlining a little

As I wrote my last blog, I had this feeling that I was writing haphazardly. I felt I was beginning to lose my coherence. I reread it, and though it might seem a tad off, it doesn't read poorly, in my opinion.

But, it started me thinking. While my blog has been my private journal, I want to keep moving it from less of a journal/diary and into more of a teaching tool, and/or a more efficient way for me to catalog my thoughts. (Besides, when I write my logical thought process works out its kinks.)

I have mentioned stuff like this before. God has given me things to think, write, and say. (Not in direct revelation or commission of course, but anything worth thinking on my mind is not of my own.) I have thought in detail about a newsletter or a journal publication, but that is not in my sphere of possibility right now. And so, I blog.

I would like this to become scholarly, but that involves more than I have the resources for. Scholarship necessitates citation and review. It won't be scholarly for me to write something good. If I write the same thing citing many scholars and submit to a publication it becomes scholarly. I would love to do that, but in order to cite people, I need access to them. MBBC had a great library in my opinion and I had heard it was great compared to others. There isn't anything down here comparable from what I know. I heard things down here weren't good. I haven't tried the University here in Tampa (whichever one it is), maybe that would work.

Another option is a $400-600 program that includes 10,000s articles on theology. No money eliminates that for now.

I had mentioned something in my past blog that might be worth more discussion but I forget now what it was and so I will be done for tonight.

Goodnight, goodnight, and goodnight.

baby, church, doctrine, and more

I have a baby girl! She is the most precious thing. She is cute, sweet, adorable, and angelic. Yes, she is angel-like. Thanks to everyone for praying.

We joined a church. It took over a year of looking and praying, but God led us to one. Fellowship Baptist in Thonotosassa, FL. It is a little ways driving, but it is where we believe God wants us. We spent 2.5 hours talking with the pastor and his wife two Mondays ago. It went well from my perspective. Of course, my wife and sister told me that I was not very responsive, so we don't know what the pastor and his wife thought.

I'm not a very responsive individual. People at my job tell me that. People at home tell me that. I just don't respond to things. I sit and listen without a response, and without changing my facial expressions (for the most part). Sometimes, I am in complete agreement, and sometimes I am arguing vehemently on the inside. But you couldn't tell the difference from my countenance. Of course, if you know me and what I believe you would be able to know from the conversation how I was feeling. Anyway, overall I am happy with this aspect of me. I do not see a need to change it. I'm sure that there will be times where the outcome is negative because of it, but that is the same with almost everything, and it fits me better to remain quiet.

Ignorance. I am ignorant of quite a bit. It drives me insane.

Side note: You know why Socrates was killed (according to Plato's apology)? He claimed to be wiser than all other men. Yet, his wisdom was not in that he knew more, but in that he recognized his ignorance. They thought they knew, and he knew he didn't know. I'm not saying others don't know, but I am acutely aware that I do not know.

Back on track. Acts 19:1-6. Disciples, saved or not? I have generally held strong opinions on stuff like this because I am a black and white law person. But, then I start reading on what it means to be a dispensationalist, and I realize that I was probably wrong on my opinion of that passage. This is another instance of pointing out something that I am going to be wrong about. Obviously we aren't all going to be right about everything. I think we all would admit this, and yet, I also think that we act the other way about it. We know we can't be right about everything, and then we argue tooth and nail for something small where there is every possibility that we could be wrong. /sarcasm-on I have never done that...ever. /sarcasm-off

Another interesting thing that I recently found/figured out was the inconsistency in the Reformed/Covenant position.

Slight Digression: To be reformed almost certainly means 5-point Calvinist and maybe hyper Calvinist. I only say "almost certainly" on the off chance that someone tries to be Reformed and not Calvinist, but that doesn't happen. On the other hand, you can most assuredly be Calvinist, and NOT be reformed. So, Reformed includes Calvinist. Calvinist does not include Reformed. They are not equivalent terms. Often however, it is not entirely inaccurate to equate the terms Covenant and Reformed. Covenant is a system of theology that is held by almost all reformed denominations. Again, the almost all is in case there is a rare case out there. Lastly, even after some searching, the general stance of a Reformed Baptist is a hard one for me to pin down. Does it mean they are covenant and yet believe in immersion? The combining of those two is humanly irreconcilable, like the hypostatic union. But, assuming they believe it is what the Bible teaches, then they would practice it on faith and not worry about the logic. Or (back to the previous "does it mean" sentence) does it mean, rather erroneously, that they are Calvinistic Baptists? I don't know, and I don't have the time to try to find a consensus on it right now.

So, what was this inconsistency I stumbled upon? Well, since reformed are Calvinist, often many see the logical outworking of Calvinism in Scripture as double-predestination, that is, the predestination of the elect to Salvation and the predestination of the lost to damnation. Since this is the case of belief for many, it fights strongly with the Covenant system whose grounding principle, indeed the one they brag about, is that everything throughout all eternity is leading to the glory of God as evidenced in the Salvation of the elect. However, damnation is the opposite of salvation and fits the argument of the dispensationalist much better. (not the predeterminate counsel to damn, but rather the act itself) The dispensationalist argues that the end and beginning of all eternity is God's glory. Not just manifested in Salvation, which, though it is a large part, is not all God has done, nor is doing. God created angels and there is no plan of Salvation for them, and yet God receives glory from them. The basic premise that everything works for God's glory is simple and will not be argued even by many Covenant theologians. However, they do argue the means by which this glory is accomplished and they believe the center to all history is solely salvation, diminishing all God has done apart from that.

Note: Do not misunderstand the Dispensationalists view upon the matter of Salvation. We hold salvation to be by God, for God's glory, and we hold it to be one of the major ways in which God demonstrates His glory. However, it is not the only way, and we believe that God is working history for the end of his glory, not for the conclusion of his salvation plan.

The oddity here, amongst all the reviews and overviews of belief is that the Calvinist is the one who believes God is active in damning, while at the same time holding the position that God's working in history is primarily for the accomplishing of Salvation. Many dispensationalists will argue (wrongly) that man has the ability, apart from the electing grace of God, to determine to get saved, and yet argue that God's goal in history is his own glory, and this end is furthered by his just damnation of the wicked. Interesting stuff.

Thoughts on systematics. Generally, there are different types of ways of studying the Bible. Biblical theology is basically Bible study. It attempts to use the context, and what is going on in the text to determine what is happening in that text. It used the previous texts to look at what has happened and then looks forward to the coming texts. Using "Biblical Theology" we have different methods of interpretation. We have literal, that is the historical grammatical, interpretation. That is what Dispensationalists try to use consistently. Covenant theologians also use this type of hermeneutic, yet they abandon it for allegorical interpretation when in contrasts their system. The allegorical interpretation is when they begin to interpret a text, often prophecy using allegory instead of the literal, historical, grammatical hermeneutic.

Still with me? Hopefully some of the was familiar. Ok, then from the "Biblical Theology" we also have "Systematic Theology." I have heard negative things said about systematics, but there are reasons for them. Anyway, a systematic deals not with a passage, but with a topic. So, the systematics often deal with things like Theology Proper, Christology, Neumotology, Ecclesiology, etc. So a system may analyze a topic throughout the entire Bible. We use a system on Christ to study him in depth, rather than look at individual passages. The benefits would seem to be immediately obvious. An in depth study on any particular topic is necessary in order to have greater understanding. Instead of seeing God as just a jealous God, and an consuming fire in one passage, we also see God as gracious, merciful, and love. It causes us to see God in a more complete picture than any single passage would do.

Systems impact everything. The general covenant theologian does not put stock in infant baptism because of the life giving power of the water. However, their system says that to enter the covenant community of God, the children of the community need a sign/symbol/ordinance to enter -- thus baptism. As the OT had circumcision, so the NT has baptism. Therefore, it requires far more than just proving baptism is for the saved, or the elect, or the children of God, because they argue that the children of saved parents enter the covenant via their parents and their parents faith in baptizing them.

Systems can be good and bad. Systems lead to details and intricacies that often are not seen with just Bible theology. Acts 19 for example, is not clear in and of itself on whether the disciples were saved or not. However, looking at the way God has worked across dispensations, and will allow us to examine what some may say was an exception, and yet, exceptions do take place.

I fear I am lacking clarity as I continue. We all know we need to compare Scripture with Scripture. A system allows us to work through Scriptures in a logical order, in accordance with what we find in the Bible. A system allows us to logically approach a passage in biblical study. A system leads us to an understanding of some of the deeper issues. Christ's death was a substitutionary atonement, a vicarious sacrifice, a propitiaion, etc. The full range of implications of each of these is not derived from a single verse or passage.

However, systems are dangerous too. Turretin's system allowed him to state with authority that The Fall happened in Autumn. Last night I read how someone calculated the beginning of the Earth at 4004BC, Oct. 23, 9am. At some point, these men were mistaken in their systems. A system involves both theological facts, and the logic used to reach the next fact. So, their facts are off on something actually bigger, or their logic is off. And when you read someone who is generally really good and you are in agreement and then you hit something like the above two instances, you need to stop and wonder. Is he (and if you are in agreement, you) off on a fact of theology? Or is it the logic involved in getting there?

FYI, I like Turretin, and though he is strongly Covenant, and allegorizes, he is worth reading. That brings up another fact: even people who are wrong about stuff, often say good things. It does not mean you endorse the person wholeheartedly, but it does mean you can recommend what he has written or done.

Note: While reading a popular Covenant book, I began to realize that his beginning chapters of defining terms and expressions were actually very dangerous to agree with. If I had lent assent to his beginning definitions, I feel as if his logic would have been accurate to lead to his ending system. It was the definitions that were off in this case.

So, to sum up a bit. Covenant theologians put themselves into a large dilemma using two of the systems they are most known for. It is admitted on all sides that Dispensational theology is derived from consistent application of the literal, historical-grammatical hermeneutic. Systems are extremely helpful in interpreting Scripture. We must be careful when using them that we do not allow either poor logic or an inaccurate theological fact to drive our system somewhere the Bible does not go. Even people with wrong systems are correct in parts of their systems. Therefore when a theological fact is accepted on all sides, it is the logic that must be analyzed in order to avoid encountering the same errors.

I think that is all for today...sorry I don't blog enough. I want to write a newsletter or something...but I think that many people would sign-up, perhaps out of courtesy, but few would read it. That is not what I want. I want a few people who would read, and want to read. I have a desire to learn, and I want to appeal to that desire in others, though I don't even know if it is really there. And then again, who am I to try to impart anything? Thoughts for anther blog perhaps.

Oh, by the way, my dad built a welder, and an arc-welder because he wanted to and he could...he just built them...how awesome is that? Pretty awesome.