stuff learned

Every now and then God opens our eyes or shows us something we haven't seen before. It is an amazing thing that happens far too rarely (for me). It changes the way we think and the way we act, at least for a while. I remember only a few times where I was strongly impacted in that way. I assume that part of it was that I was closer to God at that time than I was at others, though that isn't fact, just conjecture. One particular time, it changed my view of things, it changed my actions. It was great. And even though it was something I knew in my head before, and still do now, the impact it had has dwindled. Maybe that is the norm; it is for me. It is daily work and reminding myself of these truths so that I do them, rather than them constantly so impressing me that I can't help but do otherwise. The latter is easier, and more delightful; but right is right no matter what.

Anyway, I have learned to listen to others when they have those moments. When someone tells me something that has hit them, I try to hold onto it for as long as I can. It isn't often that happens. There really are few people that really talk to me about their devotions, or what God has shown them. Maybe we just find talking about that stuff too preachy. Maybe we aren't consistent enough to talk about it. Maybe we didn't read out Bibles that day.

Note: Grandma is always reading something. And it is an encouragement and prodding for me to make sure I'm reading something. When we see each other, there isn't really talk about the weather and that nonsense. Grandma expects conversation; and I do to. I think I should be able to hold a conversation on these things. We need to have enough to talk about. We need to have stimuli in our lives that force us to think outside our norm. We need articles, or books, or papers, or others that drive us to investigate our own thoughts, or their thoughts. We can't allow ourselves to be content in what we are thinking or have thought. Think new thoughts. (And on that note, stop watching TV. I have been watching some shows, but I am getting more and more frustrated with it again. My time is precious to me. I don't see my wife and daughter enough anyway, and TV is the most logical thing to cut. It does nothing for me. It has/can/does waste hours of my time. I recall talking to others who are so busy they don't really watch TV. Good for them. I am getting there. I'm not condemning it all, just saying that I think it is on too much in the average "Christian" household.) Let me repeat, think new thoughts for you. (Not new as in unorthodox, but do an indepth study on something you never have. When you are reading and you come to that passage you don't really get, instead of saying "Oh, well, I don't have to preach on it so its ok." Remind yourself you might need to explain it fully and correctly to your child some day. Maybe that will help; and yeah, you could fake it to your kid...but is that something you want be doing?

Back on track. I'll wait while you jump back above the "Note" and read the short paragraph again. . .I wish others talked more about their devotions, but then I realize I don't even do it much. I can't ask others to do something I can't even get myself. But, I think it is an integral part of exhortation, and encouragement. Let's talk about the things of God, when we rise up, when we go about our day, when we eat, when we lie down. (I am still trying to figure out an aesthetically appropriate way to hang a half dozen verses on our walls. We don't have frames, and I'm not about to spend a lot to do it...but for some reason I think my wife would be opposed to taping sheets of paper on the walls. ;))

Part of the reason I blog is to be able to record those things that hit me, so that I can recall them again and again. Part of the reason is that I hope they can help others. I am encouraged when I hear others talking/posting about it. I want to help if I can. If not, meh. I'm not preaching. But when I see that God has given something to someone I want it. And I want to share when I get it.

Lately, I've been considering something. This isn't one of those great spiritual truths; it is something quite obvious actually, but I figured I would share anyway.

Time. Everything takes time. It takes time to lose weight. It takes time to build muscle. It takes time to build a relationship. It takes time to build trust. It takes time to get a good grade. It takes time. Things take time. The more important a matter is, the more time it seems to take to get to the point you would like it to be at. I was contemplating this and begrudging the fact when someone pointed out to be that greater effort reduces the time. And this too I believe is true.

If I cut more calories our of my diet (in a smart way) than I will lose fat faster. If I ensure I work the muscle to the fullest, concentrating on it and spending twice as much time doing varied exercises it will accomplish more faster than if I did one exercise half-heartedly. If I work hard on a relationship, than it will grow stronger faster than if I spend the minimum amount of time on it.

The conviction part, is that I want a better, deeper relationship with God, and I look at the time I spend and its pitiful. I find time to do a lot of things, with less effort than doing the best I can at a few things. Though, some of those are necessary, some aren't. And it would probably be best if I could concentrate more fully on the stuff I need to.

Well, short blog tonight, but I don't usually blog on Thursdays anyway. Good night, good weekend, and happy spring break!

generosity, family, and my selfishness

P. S. I wrote a short story which I posted in the previous blog if you are just arriving after a short time. That "P" stands for Pre, not Post this time.



My parents have always been generous. Mom would be giving away bread and brownies and we would be complaining about it. But we gave things away. My parents didn't advertise when they were doing it. It would be conversations I overheard about someone else they gave money too, etc.

When I started my first job, delivering papers, I think I was generous. At the time I thought I was generous too. I would buy myself and siblings slushies from the Dairy Delight after my route was over. Not every day, but I do recall buying them on multiple occasions. I would buy pizzas for the house.

Then, I started getting selfish. I know part of it started from my disgust with indecision and people lying about stuff. For example, "Which piece do you want?" "I don't care." Really? We all want that piece right there which is the biggest one, and no one wants the corner piece which is half the size of the other ones. Anyway, I started taking the biggest piece every time. People were hesitant about going first, so I went first. I was tired of wasting time, and tired of pretending. Really, I was being selfish. My brother knew it. He kept pointing it out and it upset him. I'm sorry Mike, you were right.

SWCCG was great, but after I realized there were not just 4 of us that owned cards, my junk cards obtained value. I would feign connection and conflict about trading something that was really completely worthless to me because someone else did see value in it. I quote the verse "It is naught, it is naught, saith the buyer: but when he is gone his way, then he boasteth." That was me. I knew that was me. I was proud of it. I would pretend and pretend and go away bragging. I was only beginning to see value in my worthless stuff.

WoW started and every piece of junk became useful. Anything dumb and worthless could be sold to the right person for profit. I began to correlate to real life. The principle of the money I made at the auction with stupid stuff should translate to real life. People buy stupid stuff. The problem with suddenly seeing value, was that coupled with my selfishness, I didn't want to give anything away. I had a hard time giving things away in WoW where it didn't matter, let alone in real life where it did. There was no reason for me to give anything away. I could sell it on ebay. I could barter it. Then, I distinctly remember someone giving me a video card. Just like that. Video cards are expensive. A new one, could be hundreds of dollars; a older used one, sure, maybe he could have only made $20, but that was $20.

He had a new one, and so he gave me his old one. The whole incident wasn't really new. I had grown up wearing clothes from many different cousins and uncles. But this one shocked me. Obviously; I remember it still. He just gave it to me.

I had to start telling myself to be generous. I have also had to remind myself that generosity is not just a matter of giving money away to people. It can be found in other ways.

We were extremely blessed at our wedding. People that I didn't give a single thing to gave large amounts to us. Part of that of course is that I was still under my parents house and they gave, but now I'm growing up.

Now I have a house of my own; completely furnished by people who gave to us. They gave us everything we have. Just recently, are there things in our living room that were not given us: my PC-- which I've had for years, and our new piano. We have been so abundantly blessed. But even as I experienced this, I was not thinking this was normal. People are more generous when called together and when the need is obvious and presented. (Yes, I know I'm cynical.) But that isn't it at all. And I am ashamed that I thought that way about my family's generosity. They are just generous.

See, part of my cynicism comes from the fact that I know the heart is deceitful and wicked. I know that people are selfish beings. These are facts, and so me seeing a generous act or person contradicts the facts and I see an exception, not a child of God. Again, shame on me.

We are blessed so far above what we could ever think. I was prepared to live with no TV. I was prepared to sleep on an air mattress for a year (or longer). I was prepared for all this stuff. God blessed through generous people.

Recently, because of our tax refund we were able to get a piano. I found a power cord for our laptop that stopped working within a couple months of being down here. It was only $10, so now we have our laptop back. We were given a giant TV. GIANT. Also, due to our tax refund, and some ebay bidding, there is a PS3 arriving Tuesday.

On top of all that, God worked so that we haven't paid a single bill from the hospital. That was our biggest worry. We were paying the doctor's visits fine. We really didn't/don't have $8000, or anything like it.

Its still hard for me to accept generosity from others sometimes. "Thank you" seems so inadequate, and yet there is nothing else I can really do.

In conclusion, God is good! Praise the Lord for his goodness!! And thank you to all my family and friends who have been generous and who have taught me how to be generous in return.


Part 2. Title: Sin and America

I was having a conversation on the way home from church, and we were discussing socialism, and capitalism, and economies and such. It was not in great detail, just some stuff. Then, we were discussing where we might feel comfortable moving. But it came up about all the sin in some other places in the world. As we discussed, we talked about the sin in America as well. But, as we discussed I continued to think about it. Yes, America is horrible. America is going down the wrong path. We are fighting tooth and nail to keep sin out and away. To keep it in the dark and private, rather than out in the open and light. I don't know about other countries on certain issues, or on what they fight against; I do know that America is not the worst of it. Other countries are worse.

I used to mock the liberals for saying dumb stuff like "I'm moving if . . ." Really, forget the economic system, or military might, but from a clearly moral standpoint, isn't America still near the top? Maybe not right on top, but that's hard to say.

And then a continuing solemn thought, if America is near the top and we are this bad, certainly this world does not have long to go. We can find quotes of people describing the wickedness of America in the 1930s and how it was like Noah's day. It has worsened. If this is America. . .why do we cling to this world like the lost?

Why do we want to stay? Why do we find enjoyment in this filth ridden world? Why are we close enough to the world to try to find joy in it? We get so close that we forget joy only comes from God. We look for it in our friends and in our things and in our games and our recreation. BAH! Shame on us.

Our joy comes from God. "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice."

We should feel disgusted with this world. We should just be ready to go home. Its like when you are out all day...or even for a few days, and you are "ok" but you just want to go home. You are ready. And yes, mom or dad say you have to stay for a bit longer. Or you need to wait for the bride and groom to cut the cake. And you really just can't wait to get home. That should be us...when can we go home?

Even so come Lord Jesus.

a short story

Ok, I'm pausing the streamlining thing. I recently was asked if I wanted to join this writing email club thingy where we write short stories or excerpts and send them around to the others to get ideas and critiques etc. Well, I hadn't written anything fictional/fantasy since maybe a dragon and knight story back in my early teens. I have written papers, just not stories. I decided I would give it a shot since I'm working on a plot, and it would not be good to have a plot and then find out I can't actually write. I wrote a story and sent it out, but haven't heard back on it yet, which is understandable, but I'm impatient and so I'm posting it here too. Some of you will not like it. Some of you will wonder at my PoV. Fine. Those are the comments I'm looking for. I really just want someone to say something about it. If it stinks, tell me. If you liked it, tell me why, if not, why? So, without any more ado, I give you my short short story (only a little over 4 pages).



Elrich trudged through the marsh. The small radius of light emanating from his torch served only to keep the swarms of marsh flies from enveloping his sight. He had been bitten the first day; he had known there would be no return at the outset. He had been brave for his wife’s sake. He had been courageous for his country’s sake. He would bring peace to them.

The war had ravaged the land beyond hope of repair. Perhaps, his yet unborn child would see fruit once again– only if he succeeded in his current task.

The Grakesh had attacked without warning, driving the nations into panic. They had descended from the mountains, and swept through the scattered villages. Besieged castles fell, and all thoughts of survival dwindled. As the refugees gathered at the ancient temple of their gods, the remaining armies clashed with futile efforts.

It was at this forsaken moment that a Grakesh general, Taopold, first spoke to the nations’ armies. He bid them send a message to the Circle of the Aged. He spoke of a strange disease of the plains that had run rampant through the Grakesh camps and ravaged his people. He wished them to send an ambassador to what he called the Council of the Sun, the Grakesh leaders. His people were proud he said. They could not be seen to offer peace, but if peace were offered to them, they could accept. They would accept. The Grakesh were in dire straights and if this war did not end, they would all die. From their safety in the ancient temple the Circle feigned strength. They spoke of needing time to discuss this request.

However, the Circle did not deliberate long on the news. Their prayer had been answered, and it was with all haste that they searched out the envoy to send – someone with strength remaining, they could not seem weak; someone with a reason to end the war, someone willing to sacrifice for something he found dear.

Of course, Elrich had been the perfect candidate. They had approached him appealing to his sense of duty, his sense of honor, his courage, and the future his unborn child could expect if no one answered this call. His heart told him to let someone else give his life– he would spend his last days, few as they might be with his wife; he would feel her embrace each night. He would see the birth of his child; he would hear his child’s cry. He would defend them with his last breath, and they would die together.

His mind told him he must go. He knew the moment he heard the rise of commotion and the scattered whispers that they were coming for him. The offer from the Grakesh, and the notice of the search for a representative had spread like fire through the camps. He prayed that others would volunteer; he prayed that the council would accept; he knew it would not be.

Hope had sprung to life again in those that had settled their account with death. People were looking for life, and in their search they became far more prudent and patient then they had in the waging of the war. Had the council displayed true leadership at that time, perhaps the war would not have turned this way. The faithful soldier that he was, he had obeyed his mind and duty once again. Always reasoning, and never allowing his heart to guide him. He would forsake what he wanted most to provide that which others desired less. He would bring peace for all, and lose his family for it.

He had set out with a dozen of the imperial guard. Prior to the war, a dozen would have seemed a mere insult, but now, in this hour, a dozen seemed extravagant. The refugees lined the caverns as they proceeded to the exit— people crying, people praying, people thanking.

They had crossed into the mountains on their fourth day. They did not know this terrain and so were forced to rely upon the map provided by the Grakesh. Despite his initial hesitation the Grakesh map proved incredibly detailed and accurate. His father having been a cartographer, he found great appreciation for these intricacies. With the map, they progressed quickly. As they reached the mountain’s peak, half of the guard returned to inform the council of their progress. Ideally, they would be arriving within a few days. By that time, the treaty would be sealed.

As the mountain pass began to flatten, the black marsh lay before them. The bite of the marsh fly meant death – usually within the week. It was not a painful death; though it did create a gradual dulling of the senses. Though his guard had sworn to protect and follow till the end, they had hinted at their ploys from the beginning. They spoke of being prepared for all possibilities. What if the Grakesh had set a trap? What if the plan did not go accordingly? Should seven of the most courageous warriors die when only one was needed? He did not know if they would have kept their oath, had he not released them from it. They feigned sorrow, refusing to deny his release – at first. Then they left him alone. He alone would bring peace.

The marsh was drying now. The stony ground ahead bit into his feet. The marsh had worn his boots into nothing more than a thin covering. With the glint of sunlight streaming through the thick fog, Elrich discarded his torch: a bit of nature and life for him to experience before his despairing end. He paused only a moment to remember what he was losing, but then cleared his mind and continued ahead. According to the Grakesh general the Council of the Sun lay only two miles ahead.

Elrich plodded on. He would not allow the poison of the marsh fly to dull him any more than necessary before he approached this Council. He now represented all the nations before this invading army and he would fulfill his duty as it lay before him. He attempted to brush the grime from his traveler’s clothes, and straightened his back. He would bring peace to the land.

Grakesh guards appeared sooner than he had expected, but he was pleased for the sign of life. They came from the rocks, and escorted him closely. He fell-in between them. His body had begun to feel weak, and it was a small comfort to march in step again. He understood that their duty was twofold: to protect him and to protect others from him. He was not surprised, nor was he worried. He was not there to fight. He would bring peace.

The council was not what he had expected. He was lead up a short mountain pass into an open cave mouth. Twelve Grakesh warriors stood in a semi circle looking out over the dark land. He stood straight and strong before them. They appeared hardened, but he was prepared, and so he spoke,

“I have come to offer peace. Our peoples have battled valiantly. We have lost, and you have lost. We desire peace, and so I come to offer to you.”

Their faces gave no response, and so Erlich waited. He was a soldier, and he would remain calm awaiting their response. After a moment, what appeared to be an elderly Grakesh spoke,

“We hear you, and we acknowledge your offer of peace. We desire that our peoples coexist. Our peoples have been plagued, and our seers told us of only one way to be cured. We must find the temple of an ancient god and bring before him our gifts. We seek your help in finding aid. Will you lend this help in exchange for peace?”

Elrich allowed himself only an inward sigh. His body felt heavy, and his mind had begun to slow, but he had forced himself to grip reality until he had brought peace. Now, only a few moments away, and his child would be forever safe from the tragedies of this war. He spoke,

“I do know of this temple, and if you will provide the materials I will draw a map where your people may be healed.”

He thought he had seen the slightest glimmer of satisfaction cross the face of the Grakesh, but it was gone in a moment and he was beginning to doubt his senses. It was nothing. He was bringing peace.

They laid the materials before him, and he forced himself to clear his mind. He represented the nations and so his map would be as detailed as theirs had been. He designated every landmark and noted every danger. His father had taught him well. This map would have impressed the most ardent cartographers. He had done it; he had brought peace. He laid the map before them,

“I do lay this map before you as a sign of peace between our– “

As he spoke, he saw a blade come through his chest, and he sank to the ground. He panted and began to choke. Though his mind was struggling to cling to reality, he heard voices,

“Get this map to Taopold and tell him to attack immediately. They are weak and ready to be exterminated.”

“Did we get the second six that had returned?”

“Yes. They were quick to die. If they were among the best these weak nations has to offer, it should be over within a week.”

Elrich wondered what it meant. He wondered why he could now only see the ceiling of this dark cave. What of his wife, and child? His child would grow to hear of his heroism. He would eventually understand why his father was not there for him. He would understand duty and honor. His child would grow, see the sun, taste fruit, marry and have children.

He had brought peace.